Sunday, December 20, 2009

Just feel like posting...without anything really on my mind or anything to say.

I start next semester on January 19th and I'm so thankful for the time off. Every one of my classes next semester will be at the University so I'm excited to interact with others and make some new friends! :)

I'm also excited for Christmas. I have heard Christas songs continuously since Nov. 1st and I'm ready for them to stop! Haha. It actually takes me out of the Christmas mood for a bit. Last year I couldn't WAIT to watch the movies--every single one I know. This year it's the opposite. O well.

So I did a lot of firsts this past week!!! I joined the YMCA so I can start going to the gym on a regular basis. No contract plus free classes so I'm excited! :) Then I joined the music union -- the local 94. They're still processing my app so I can't log on and put my name out there. But soon I hope! Then I went tanning for the first time. I know, not healthy for you. But, my therapist told me that it helps if you have SAD, which most likely affects my mood during the winter. The light helps you feel less depressed so I gave it a try. I liked it! I'll only go during the winter tho and maybe only once a week. I haven't felt any effects so far, but we'll see if it helps. And then I went to the comedy club and got heckled by the comic LOL. It was hilarious!!! All fun. of my new year's resolutions is to get healthier - change my diet and work out routine slowly so it'll actually stick. That's the only one so far, but I'm sure I'll think of others.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

My dad prays for me. I never knew that. He's usually very vocal about religion and politics, but it's always generalized or criticizing someone else's point of view. He rarely speaks about what he believes.

Then last night after we had bought my mom's Christmas present together and I was telling him about what I plan on doing this week for fun, my dad says that he prayed for me.

Wow. That little sentence means so much to me. Now, I'm off to a good day!

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Just another little update on life...

So, Lexapro makes me have REALLY vivid dreams. Dreams so real that I wake up thinking that the things I dreamt about actually happened. It's really weird.

For example, the other day I was dreaming that I missed my haircut. The appointment was for 12:15pm and I saw myself on the couch pressing the snooze button too many times that I slept until 1pm. I looked at my clock, thinking I was awake, and seeing the time as 1pm and I even went to my mom and asked her what time it was. She said 1pm.

When I awoke at 9:45am (!) I was so sure that it was 1pm already. I ran into my mom's office and asked her if I had missed my haircut at 12:15 and she said, it's only 9:45! HAHA.

Well, lately I have been dreaming that my car gets stolen. It's shear panic. I run around the parking lots of wherever I am in my dream - school, college, Bartlesville Activity Center. And it's gone...completely missing. Each time I freak out and call my mom to come and pick me up. Then I wake up and realize that it's still there.

Haley, who's also on Lexapro, has vivid dreams also. We both talk in our sleep now, moan and cry. I woke up screaming for the first time in my life a few months ago. Freaked my mom out!

Anyway, moving on. Work has been going well. I am helping my boss come up with marketing ideas and plans. My dad has started working at his new job, which he absolutely hates. Everyday he comes home saying that the day went "terrible". I'm happy that he has a job though instead of just letting him go. He may start looking though so he's not so unhappy everyday. I don't blame him.

My grandma's house sold. She's now off Medicaid for now. I'm just so happy for my mom that that's over with.

So that's all I really have to say for now. I hope everyone has had a great Thanksgiving and I hope Christmas will be just as merry!

Sunday, November 22, 2009

November 22

Haven't been on here in a while. So I thought I'd update my blog.

The surgery went well. There were no complications and I'm still recovering nicely. My appendix was fine. Instead, I had abdominal adhesions that were suspending my colon and causing me problems. But, the appendix will never be a problem for me haha :)

School is going well. One paper, three observations and an interview more paper and group project to go along with readings and such. It has been very interesting so far. I'm going to try and take twelve hours next semester while working part time and see if I can manage. I think I can...we'll see. Have to make up for the class that I had to drop this semester!

I took my mom to Maribeth with me. It was very emotional for her. She has been depressed for a long time and I feel her pain. It saddens me that she doesn't know who she is, what she likes, what she dislikes, what she can do for fun. She feels lost and like she is merely existing. I hope, hope, hope, that she will choose to get some help instead of going through the rest of her life completely miserable. Something that struck me while we were there was that Maribeth said, Kelsy your mom can choose to be as miserable as she wants. It is her choice, not yours. It is her right to be that way and you cannot fix it for her. That's so true -- it is a choice and I can't help. Sobering thoughts for me.

Anyway, I have been spending a lot of time with my friend Bailey and her sons. The newest, three weeks old, is my new Godson. He is so precious. Haley just adores him. And the oldest, 21 months, is such a good big brother already. He's always been such a cutey!

Other than that, I have been working at the flower shop and taking naps lol! I get so tired when I come home. I don't have enough stamina sometimes to stay awake and I'm just spent. Gotta get to the gym and start working out and switch to a healthier diet. I'm playing in the Handel's Messiah in Bartlesville on December 6th so those of you who are available to make the drive and like classical music should come and listen! It's gonna be good!

See you all later. Much love.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Appendix is coming out on Thursday. Finally.

But, I have to drop out of one of my classes. That stinks. But, I'll keep insurance because it's a medical reason. I just hope I don't have to drop out of the other two classes.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Life is ironic.

I have finally enrolled for classes at OU-Tulsa. Nine hours this fall which means I get to keep my current insurance, yay!! I'm so excited for the classes.

Then...I had my colonoscopy today. I craved food all day yesterday when I was fasting. Every type of food went through my mind. From rice cakes to goulash to sweet potatoes to pringles. Ah, everything.

The colonoscopy went well. They didn't find anything abnormal. They took some biopsies and I'll hear back soon. If the biopsies come back normal the next step is an appendectomy with a search into the surrounding abdomen to see if everything is ok.

This is the ironic part to me. I finally get enrolled for classes after a year of deciding, after seeking help from a life coach/therapist, after applying and waiting on the school's I am facing a possible and probable appendectomy which may end up making me miss the first weekend of a three weekend class which isn't acceptable. It's frustrating me...but I'm trying to remain positive.

Anyway, project runway's on. Hasta la vista.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Do you ever think about how you go to where you are today? And then you have sooo many images and memories running through your head that you are overwhelmed. One word can inspire so many different thoughts.

Well when thinking about the depression and anxiety that I'm being treated for, holy moly where do I start? There are just so many factors. I think a lot of it is my reaction to my environment, my family and the culture that I grew up in. Slowly, your brain forms a pattern in the way it receives messages from these things and the pattern forms a habit. It's my job to re-wire those patterns and physically begin to think positive thoughts.

It's also interesting to compare my old self back in elementary school to the woman that I am today. I was so different and yet the same in so many ways. The once optimistic child is now a negative thinker. The once outgoing kid is now shy and restrained. The child that would rather be with adults during Christmas parties is still the same. The child that used to be taken advantage of is still here today.

What I've really come to terms with during my therapy is that...hey I'm normal. It's normal for a person in my position to be scared. It's normal for me to have ups and downs in my life and I'm responsible in the fact that I've reached out for help and I'm proud of that and wish others would do the same. I'm not some crazy messed up freak that I used to think I was...I'm just like you. It's so refreshing.

Since this blog is really for me and I could care less if people read this...I'm going to write down some of the things that my psychotherapist told me that still stand out to me while I'm here at home typing this.

First, I'll start with my first session with her when she said, most people in today's generation change careers every 7 years and change jobs every 2. Wow. That, woosh, took the pressure right off. If I don't like what I'm doing...I'll change it!

Second, your business degree that you used to think poorly of and feel guilty for is really a stepping stone in your journey that has gotten you to where you are today. Everything in life, then, could be a stepping stone.

Third, when we tell a child to put others before yourself, we are really trying to teach the young children that there are other people out there that have feelings just like us. When you get older, that same mantra doesn't really apply any longer. It is a mutual respect, instead. I respect myself and I respect you. Vice versa. It's about being assertive, not aggressive or passive or passive-aggressive.

And there are so many more moments, but I think I'll stop there. Just want to make sure I write them down somewhere so I'll never forget.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

So, today is my 23rd day of running a low grade fever. Fortunately most of the lower abdominal pain is gone now...but the fever remains. I am taking the same medicine that I used two weeks ago again and I hope it works this time otherwise a colonoscopy or something else might be in my future :/

So for my next counseling session on Thursday, I had to answer a few pages of questions asking me who I thought that I was. Who am I? It was an interesting introspective evening for me. I answered some questions that I didn't think I knew the answers to and surprised myself.

Here are a couple of my responses just for grins ---

1. When do you feel inspired? Who and what contribute to your sense of inspiration? When I see someone accomplish their dreams and do something absolutely beautiful I am inspired. Watching dance shows, for example, inspires me to do something creative. Listening to classical music inspires me to play my viola and contribute. I feel enlightened and motivated. When I see someone overcome something tremendous and succeed this also motivates me. Poetry does as well.

2. What are you interested in? What are you passionate about? What are you not interested in? What bores you? I am interested in the arts - dance, paintings, writing, music; helping the homeless, the environment, children less fortunate than me, breaking barriers and stereotypes, relationships, poetry, learning and self-improvement daily, accomplishments. I am bored when I have nothing to do and am alone at home watching the T.V.

3. How ambitious are you? What are your life ambitions? I would say that I am very ambitious. My life ambitions are to be an L.P.C. by 25 with a private practice by 30-35. I hope to adopt by 34. I want to learn ballroom dancing and compete, publish my own poetry, travel to Greece and Italy and learn a new language.

4. What specifically would you like your closest friends to say about you at your funeral? That I had a passion for life, that I lived my dreams and had fun and romance, great friends and family that supported me. I was a moral person who served my community and that I had impacted people's lives. That I was a kind and generous person to everyone I met.

When my mom read my responses, many of which were about family, she said that she was was not surprised by anything that I said about myself but felt that she knew her family better.

I'm still waiting on an acceptance/denial letter from OU-Tulsa for this semester. They are taking their sweet time. There's only 6 hours at OU-Tulsa that I can take this semester so I'm going to hope to find some classes at NSU or ORU. Hopefully they are still enrolling. Crossin my fingers!!

Work is going well. For the first 6 days or so of work, I didn't know if my body could take much more. There's so much lifting of heavy objects, standing on your feet, cutting a lot of new flowers, just a lot of labor. It's different than I thought it would be. I would leave with my hair curled because of the tremendous amount of sweat pouring from my face and with my entire body shaking. BUT, now I'm used to it. I'm sweating less, no more shaking, and I've lost about 2.5% BMI already! It's like exercising 6 hours a day! Hah! Also, yesterday, I got to do many more arrangements which is always fun. It allows me to express my creativity! And flowers are always pretty and welcoming. I actually dreamed about flowers last night! Flowers flowers everywhere.

Anyway, that's my life right now. Just a little update.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Well, my body just doesn't like me. But, I am very thankful for the body I have!

I've run a low grade fever for the last eight days with achy pains on my lower right abdomen everyday. Was officially a UTI...took the medicine (still taking it) and still have all the same symptoms.

And after two days of tests, hours spent at the hospital and springer clinic...what have they found out?

Appendicitis? No. Kidney stones? No. White blood cell count is on an upward trend (I look like a pincushion...blood drawn for three days two days in a row now with multiple sticks) and my sedimentation level is elevated (meaning I have something inflamed somewhere in my body and my body is fighting some infection I guess). Cancer? No. Cyst on the ovary? No.

Why is it that I always have something medical related that is mysterious? Just a question. I'm not being cynical, just serious. After a year of tests and hours spent doing them, the stress of that all, they still don't know why my potassium drops suddenly and I almost pass out. And now I get to add this to the list.

I've discovered that sometimes there just isn't an answer. But, o would I like one.


Saturday, August 15, 2009

This isn't about political affiliations - conservative vs. liberal.

I for one am just appalled by our president.

I may not be the smartest person in the world...but when the presidential candidate promises that a person's taxes will not increase by one single DIME during his campain and then changes his mind after he is elected portrays and is nothing BUT a liar.

I also think that when a president has a website that requests that people TURN IN their neighbors and friends and naysayers of the new health care reform that he is implying that there is only ONE correct point of view and that it is his. That is ridiculous. *Correction* There was a website extension on a government website that requested that anyone report any misinformation that was being used or said so that the administration could seek to correct this information. That website, I believe, is no longer available. *Correction*

When the president HOUNDS the congress and says that this bill WILL be passed with sensibility, he is overstepping his power as the EXECUTIVE branch. What happened to checks and balances?

And when the president "denounces" the emphasis of the media on the rambunctious town hall meetings and the uproar that has ensued, he is "denouncing" our right of freedom of the press as a citizen of the United States.

When did my country start becoming a socialist nation?

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Quarter Life Crisis

Yes, the above title is true. According to my life coach, yes life coach, I am going through a quarter life crisis.

I am going to a life coach in Tulsa who is going to help me discover what it is that I'm passionate about, what I hate, what I love, what I'm good at, what I suck at, etc. It's going to be exciting! I am going to a 2-day aptitude testing in Dallas, TX soon (hopefully before my school starts in 2 weeks). My mom is going to accompany me, most likely. Should give me lots of information and detail!

I have changed my mind again for the billionth time! I am now a psychology major...I'm going back for a second degree and I'll graduate in May 2010. I'm only about 24 hours away from another degree in psychology so while I'm going to this life coach I figured that I should do something productive. Fortunately, I changed my classes from pre-med prerequisite classes before I took them and hated them. Unfortunately, I am stuck with a few lab manuals that I cannot return.

Did you know that 80% of your feeling cells are in your stomach?? Only 20% are in your head. Wow! I never knew that! But, now it definitely explains why I have so many stomach issues!

My life coach is also a psychotherapist and I can definitely say that I'm ready to be happy! I'm usually too embarassed to talk about this stuff, but I really hope that the therapy will help and I believe it will. And, that's all I'm going to say about that!

I'm enjoying the thunderstormy weather. When I was driving to Drug Warehouse earlier it was VERY windy...things were flying across the street! The outside temperature fell about 6 degrees in 10 minutes! Very weird.

O, on a side note, I think my car may be haunted for some reason. Either that or people keep getting in my car after I've locked it. I had my rearview mirror set so that I could see the street behind me. My sister and I parked at Drug Warehouse last week, I locked the car. We came back and the rearview mirror was on nightvision and was pointed down at Haley's seat so I could look into her eye's while she's sitting next to me. Neither Haley or I moved the mirror when we got in and out. It happened again today at TU. It wasn't on nightvision this time (which is manual btw), but it was pointed down slightly at Haley's seat. If I was hitting it with my purse it would knock it down towards my seat. SO...I don't really know what to make of this phenomenon but I definitely can't explain it. Haley was pretty freaked out poor thing! HAHA.

Ok, now that I've spooked myself all over again, I'm going to try and get some sound sleep! Tomorrow I meet with another advisor at TU to look over my new set of psychology classes, make sure I can get this second degree...and then I can finally buy the books! Then I'll be set...I have my parking permit, my new ID, I turned in my financial aid app. Almost set for school in two weeks! I'm kinda excited.

Well, Good Night and Signing Off.

Friday, July 24, 2009

My History

My mom was doing a little cleaning yesterday in her room, going through her drawers and putting things into "keep" and "donate" piles.

She stumbled across the geneology books from her mom and dad and we opened them back up to take a look. It had been almost 4 years or so since we had last seen them.

I found out that I am definitely a heinz 57 of a human, a mutt! But, not in the negative sense of the word.

From my grandma's side I am: German, Italian, Swiss, French and English.
From my grandpa's side I am: Dutch, English, Irish, German, and French.

Not to mention that my great great grandmother on my dad's side was full blood Chickasaw Indian as well as their, no doubt, multicultural background.

So, yes I have many different origins and cultures in my family history from a civil war 145th regiment soldier to a lord mayor in England, a relative that was alive when King Edward I was in reign, to the first descendants that landed in Pennsylvania and New Jersey, to a Van Winkle that owned the original War Eagle mill in Arkansas and most of the county.

It was an interesting look back at history, a nostalgic afternoon.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

July Post

I have enrolled for classes for this fall semester at TU. I am just taking 12 hours! Which will be so different from the 17 I used to take. What will I do with my time??

I think I have decided to pursue medical school...despite the stupid threatening health care reform. It was what I originally wanted to do when I graduated from high school. I've just changed my mind so many times...lost myself a little bit. It's also an extended "make up your mind" time...if I go into these bio and chem classes and absolutely hate them...well, then I haven't really lost much. It's basically what I would be doing if I didn't take the AP classes so I'm pumped. a caddy moment...I looked up some of my old crushes on facebook from high school and one from college tonight. They are almost ALL single or ugly now! YAY! HAHAHAHAHA I love it. I think I will LOVE going to my ten year high school reunion and seeing all of the popular people with wrinkles, fat and old. Makes my night! Ah.

My birthday is in two days! The 20th! I will be 21! I'm excited! I'm not 100% sure what I'll be doing...but I know that I'm going out on my birthday and that next weekend as well. I plan on having a good time! ;)

Also, I officially do not have an ulcer. They did an EGD two days ago and there's no hole in my stomach causing me ulcer-like pains. Instead, I have bile in my stomach...which my gastro thinks causes the pain instead. I just hope he's right and that this new medicine will make the pain go away. He told me that with all of my stomach problems, I need to be on prozac! LOL....he's so right. I plan on getting me some good drugs soon! :-)

Anyway, George of the Jungle is on...I'm gonna go watch it or go to sleep. Night ya'll.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

The June Post

It's been almost a month since my last blog...I just haven't had anything to talk about. I doubt that this blog will have any substance either.

My summer so far has been pretty good! I have been hanging out with Bailey, Naida, Kristi, Shea and Allison so far and hope to hang out more! Somehow I've gotten my sleep schedule messed up to where I now go to sleep around 3am and wake up around 11:30am. Kinda sucks because I hate feeling like I'm sleeping away the day...but then again I have absolutely nothing to do and if I woke up early I'd be bored so it's a catch-22.

I swam yesterday for about 30 minutes and the acne medicine that I'm on is really making me tan! For the first time in my life I'm tanning instead of burning! It's a true triumph.

Bailey, her husband, his friend Adam and I are going to see Michael Winslow at the Loony Bin this coming Monday. I'm really excited! I love the Loony Bin and live comedy. Winslow can make over 1000 sound effects with his voice/mouth and he was on Police Academy...although most people have no idea who I am talking about until I mention that he was on the Geico commercial. Then people go "OOOOO yea, I know who you're talking about!" haha.

Haley is away at Quartz mountain for another week and three days. I don't think she's liking it like she hoped. She hasn't been feeling well lately and the power and A/C went off at the site and she had to practice for three hours without air conditioning...that would SUCK! Her roommates don't like her because she is making them leave the A/C on while they sleep (the first night someone turned it off and she woke up sweating...not to mention it's four to a room, two to a bed!). She keeps texting my mom also...I bet if she'd stop she'd be giving it more of a chance...she's just really homesick poor thing. At this age I went off for five weeks to Eastern Music Festival and although I was homesick for the first three days, I LOVED it for the rest of the time! I didn't want to leave! Differences in personalities I guess.

I have been playing a lot of Wii Golf with Bailey, her husband and Adam and it's fun! I've never played the Wii before. The first time, I kicked their asses haha. Felt good! Now, not so much.

I posted my resume on and I have received three hits...two emails and one company called me twice yesterday (home and cell). So, that's always good. I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do for those of you who are wondering (me).

Well, I better go start my day. Adios!

Thursday, May 21, 2009


Wow! American Idol. I remember in high school that watching American Idol used to be so uncool. No one wanted to admit to watching it even though there were many closet watchers, myself included.

The show has literally STUNNED me this year. Wow! I can't get over the finale tonight. The pure talent of the two people left. It's almost like last year's Davids showdown, but better! And what a finale!! Cyndi Lauper, Kiss, Rod Stewart, Keith Urban, Queen Latifah, Black Eyed Peas and Fergie, Lionel Richie, Queen, Steve Martin, Carlos Santana, Jason I forgetting anyone? Good lord!!! I would love to go to a concert like that!

I have to say, I wanted Adam to win. But, I know that he's still going to be a star and I can't wait. I'll be in the front row! He is not only a master singer...master. singer. by DEFINITION. He has EVERY note in tune and at the perfect volume. He is a musician. He goes beyond the music. He goes beyond the notes and he moves you. The way he phrases his's exactly what I would do if I was playing it on the viola. It was, to put it like the judges said all season, fucking brilliant! Every note was a pearl as my viola teacher used to say. Every song was a masterpiece.

And Kris, what a sweetheart. Received the title of American Idol and immediately says that he thinks Adam deserves it! Truly seems like a great guy! He had some great vocals also...depending on the song. Some songs, yea he was a little out of tune. But, if he finds his niche and finds music that fits him (and luckily for him it's current music), he'll be utterly fabulous!! I could totally see him doing a song like One Republic's Apologize in the future!

So, I have to say, tonight there were no losers. There were NO losers. Both of them won in my book. I want to go see BOTH of them! They both, I don't know, excite me because they remind us what great music is all about!!!! Gosh! Good show!

Saturday, May 16, 2009


I bought a new bike today with the money that I received from graduation! Yay!! And Haley also got one so I'm hoping that Haley and I (and maybe my dad too) will spend many days riding our bikes along the trails.

Also, my mom and I signed up for WeightWatchers this afternoon. And I'm thinking next weekend or sometime this week we're going to go and sign up at the YMCA. My friend has a membership there and really likes it. It's $40 a month (for an individual) and most of the classes are free !!! Always a good thing! I also signed up for Sevillanas dance lessons this summer with a friend!

We're trying to finally get healthy and I need to be healthy! Hopefully we'll be successful this go 'round! I figure that since I've graduated maybe I'll have more time to devote!

Friday, May 8, 2009

Bitches and heels

So, I'm reading this book called Something's in a series by Emily Giffin. They're really good. Personally I liked the first one better...Something Borrowed.

Well the antagonist of the last book is the protagonist in this one and I almost can't read it I hate her that much. And I'm about 150 pages in so it'd better pick up fast! It's an easy and entertaining read...but I want to reach through the pages and kill this character (or at least slap her in the face!)

Seriously, last night I had a dream that I was really angry at this very pretty woman. I stood up for myself and was screaming at the top of my lungs "Why not? Why not??". And, I had on beautiful pointy three inch heels and I was literally stomping on her beautiful face. Stomping the hell out of it and she wouldn't bleed. I was kicking her with the points and she would just look up at me horrified. No matter what I did and no matter how hard I stomped she remained the same. I even took my three inch heel and raked it across her lips trying to tear them! Nothing, no effect. I was SO angry with her though for some reason. I woke up though before anything else happened.

Haha, and I think it partly was due to the book. Some other drama stuff too going on lately, but mostly the book.

And, I graduate in less than 10.5 hours! So I'm going to try and get some sleep!

Monday, May 4, 2009


I have basically chosen physical therapy. A few weeks ago, I thought that I had finally decided on psychology. I realized though that even though one night I had chosen pschology, the next day I was thinking physical therapy and vice versa.

The reason I have chosen physical therapy for now is because I don't think that I would be able to mentally and emotionally care for psychological patients. While I love the field, I believe that I would begin to internalize the patient's issues which would lead to burnout and maybe my own emotional problems. I mean, just sitting through my abnormal psych class this semester gave me stomach problems toward the end of each class...I don't know if it was just the time of day but I think it was more related to a nervous stomach.

I do realize that physical therapy does include a little psychology to be able to work with clients who are in pain physically as well as emotionally and I think that's a good thing! I won't totally give up the psychology part. But, for now I think that PT suits my personality better. Also, if I take the prerequisites for one semester and decide I don't like...then I'll just change. Bottom line is that I'm not boxed in. Of course I would LOVE to be 100% for sure...but I'm still giving myself other options as well.

So that's where I'm at! And I graduate in 5 days!!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009



I want to live here (above), so what do I need to do to make that happen? What job do I need to take? What do I need to stud? Where do I study Greek?

That is simply gorgeous! Gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous!! Greece.


Seals in San Francisco! Gotta love it! haha

I've seen this dock...this is on fisherman's wharf in San Francisco.

Beautiful sunrise!

Another gorgeous sunrise!

Sunrise in the snow. ahh!!

Awesome sunrise!

Every once in a while, I like to look up pretty pictures to make me happy. Here's some I found today.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Britian's Got Talent Go check out this little 10 year old girl! Her last note sounds like Julie Andrews it's amazing!! Wow! I thought that Susan Boyle was just ok in my opinion, Shaheen was really good, and Hollie is great!!

Monday, April 20, 2009

The Courageous Heart of Irena Sendler

So I watched "The Courageous Heart of Irena Sendler" last night on CBS. If you want to know more about her look at one of my previous posts -- I guess this should be a part 2 haha.

O my gosh, I cried through the whole last half of the movie. Here is someone that I believe is a true hero. Someone that, even after saving 2500 children and risking her own life (and almost losing it) said I wish I could have saved more. Wow.

She is the embodiment of who I want to be. She was Jesus to those little children who desperately needed saving, those Jewish mothers and fathers that could barely give them up, and those Polish families that graciously took them in. Those people know what God's love is because she loved them. She didn't try to convert them to Christianity, she didn't try to pick the prettiest Jewish child, she didn't have them pass a test first...she just loved them and stepped up to help when no one else would. How many times did I hear her say last night "I love you and I will never stop loving you" and how many times did a child say back to her "I love you". What a beautiful beautiful thing!!! She inspires me and I hope that I can somehow make a difference as well.

Sunday, April 19, 2009


Israel stands ready to bomb Iran's nuclear sites
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Sheera Frenkel in Jerusalem
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The Israeli military is preparing itself to launch a massive aerial assault on Iran's nuclear facilities within days of being given the go-ahead by its new government.
Among the steps taken to ready Israeli forces for what would be a risky raid requiring pinpoint aerial strikes are the acquisition of three Airborne Warning and Control (AWAC) aircraft and regional missions to simulate the attack.
Two nationwide civil defence drills will help to prepare the public for the retaliation that Israel could face.
“Israel wants to know that if its forces were given the green light they could strike at Iran in a matter of days, even hours. They are making preparations on every level for this eventuality. The message to Iran is that the threat is not just words,” one senior defence official told The Times.
Related Links
ANALYSIS: Same facts, different viewpoints
Iran opens first nuclear fuel production facility
Only Obama can save Iran from Israel
Officials believe that Israel could be required to hit more than a dozen targets, including moving convoys. The sites include Natanz, where thousands of centrifuges produce enriched uranium; Esfahan, where 250 tonnes of gas is stored in tunnels; and Arak, where a heavy water reactor produces plutonium.
The distance from Israel to at least one of the sites is more than 870 miles, a distance that the Israeli force practised covering in a training exercise last year that involved F15 and F16 jets, helicopters and refuelling tankers.
The possible Israeli strike on Iran has drawn comparisons to its attack on the Osirak nuclear facility near Baghdad in 1981. That strike, which destroyed the facility in under 100 seconds, was completed without Israeli losses and checked Iraqi ambitions for a nuclear weapons programme.
“We would not make the threat [against Iran] without the force to back it. There has been a recent move, a number of on-the-ground preparations, that indicate Israel's willingness to act,” said another official from Israel's intelligence community.
He added that it was unlikely that Israel would carry out the attack without receiving at least tacit approval from America, which has struck a more reconciliatory tone in dealing with Iran under its new administration.
An Israeli attack on Iran would entail flying over Jordanian and Iraqi airspace, where US forces have a strong presence.
Ephraim Kam, the deputy director of the Institute for National Security Studies, said it was unlikely that the Americans would approve an attack.
“The American defence establishment is unsure that the operation will be successful. And the results of the operation would only delay Iran's programme by two to four years,” he said.
A visit by President Obama to Israel in June is expected to coincide with the national elections in Iran — timing that would allow the US Administration to re-evaluate diplomatic resolutions with Iran before hearing the Israeli position.
“Many of the leaks or statements made by Israeli leaders and military commanders are meant for deterrence. The message is that if [the international community] is unable to solve the problem they need to take into account that we will solve it our way,” Mr Kam said.
Among recent preparations by the airforce was the Israeli attack of a weapons convoy in Sudan bound for militants in the Gaza Strip.
“Sudan was practice for the Israeli forces on a long-range attack,” Ronen Bergman, the author of The Secret War with Iran, said. “They wanted to see how they handled the transfer of information, hitting a moving target ... In that sense it was a rehearsal.”
Israel has made public its intention to hold the largest-ever nationwide drill next month.
Colonel Hilik Sofer told Haaretz, a daily Israeli newspaper, that the drill would “train for a reality in which during war missiles can fall on any part of the country without warning ... We want the citizens to understand that war can happen tomorrow morning”.
Israel will conduct an exercise with US forces to test the ability of Arrow, its US-funded missile defence system. The exercise would test whether the system could intercept missiles launched at Israel.
“Israel has made it clear that it will not tolerate the threat of a nuclear Iran. According to Israeli Intelligence they will have the bomb within two years ... Once they have a bomb it will be too late, and Israel will have no choice to strike — with or without America,” an official from the Israeli Defence Ministry said.

Here is where I found this article:

Pretty scary eh? What are your thoughts?

Sunday, April 12, 2009


Well, I haven't written a blog for a while...I feel like I'm due for one. But, I just honestly do not know what to discuss. My life is pretty boring and predictable, especially lately. I wish that I had something profound to discuss, but I don't. So, this is going to be more about my career search.

Today at Agora we talked about procrastination. And Judy's comment stuck with me because it is exactly how I am approaching my post-graduation plans. I am letting time make the decision for me, even though I know I shouldn't.

I know, you're thinking another blog about this topic? Sheesh! But, it's what has been on my mind recently. It's not like I have been sitting by and not doing anything. I have been searching for jobs online all the time! I have gone to the job fair. I have been researching careers on O*Net and industry specific websites almost daily (however, I'm slowing down because it just makes me more nervous and depressed). I've been researching schools for psychology and physical therapy because I think I've narrowed it down to those two. So, I have done a lot of work! And I am still no where.

I am planning on talking to OU sometime tomorrow to ask them if I can enroll in prerequisites and if I could take the classes at OU Tulsa. And I'm shadowing a child psychologist who is my best friend's mother on Tuesday. So, that may give me even more insight. If I can't make a decision then, well...

I do know that I want to help people. It may not seem like it, but if there's anything that I'm passionate about it's helping people (and my hair) . I'm just REALLY shy, so it's kinda hard for me to get started. So, I wouldn't be surprised if you read this and go, "What?" haha.

I also know that part of the reason why I'm waiting to decide is that I'm hoping that God will give me a clue, some answer to what I've been asking now for three years -- and yet he is still silent (or I have just been too self-absorbed to notice a response). I still hope that He'll give me an answer, but what if His answer is just pick one already? So, I may have to decide on my own, and if that's the case I have 27 days in which to do it!!

Well, I'm off to do some last minute school work!

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

A True Hero: Irena Sendler

Irena Sendler was a true hero. How she lost to Al Gore...well its a travesty.

"Every child saved with my help is the justification of my existence on this Earth, and not a title to glory" Irena Sendler (video)

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Job 42:7

I had a discussion with a friend earlier tonight about whether or not God causes pain, punishment, and generally bad things to happen or whether or not he lets things happen. It was basically about one of the Christian Science beliefs which states: "No. Christian Science does not involve pleading with God to heal the sick and then accepting His will, good or bad. Nothing in Christian Science theology says it’s God’s will that anyone suffer, be sick, or die. Christian Science shows God to be entirely good, and therefore His will for each individual is only health and life."

This caused me to look back at Job and what my professor had once taught us in my religion class while at TCU. Particularly the verse Job 42:7.

Here's my professors reasoning. During that time, pain and punishment was built on the principle of "retributive theology" that God rewards the righteous and punishes the wicked, period. But Job seems to be the opposite.

First of all, beginning in Job 1:1 God refers to Job as perfect and upright, blameless and righteous. That there is no one like him in all the earth. That he avoids evil and that he has seven sons, three daughters and he is the "greatest of all the men in the east" so he's wealthy.

Then satan enters heaven..."satan's", my professor believes, role is to find the righteous and bring their name to God so that God could test them. Not so sure about this particular reasoning, although it does say in Job 2:1 that the "angels came to present themselves before the LORD and Satan also came with them". So my professor's reasoning is that this is not Lucifer but, an angel that belonged there. That's where my professor was coming from. But, I digress.

So, by this time, Job has already suffered once. And, God says to satan have you considered Job...he tells Satan! Weird...and then God says "And he still maintains his integrity though you incited me against him to ruin him without any reason" 2:3. So why did God, who declared that Job was righteous and upright and blameless, do this? Still something that makes me ponder. Actually, the first time that I questioned the character of God.

Then comes Job's three friends: Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar. All three say things such as repent, face your sins, confess, God is just, you're a sinner, humans are worms and maggots, humans are impure and unrighteous, the innocent never suffer. And Job says that he's blameless, that he's innocent, that he wants God to be his mediator, his vindicator and redeemer for these wrongs. Job then says that God is the hunter and he is the target 10:2-10,16 and that God has a bullseye on Job and uses him for target practice 16:11-13. Pretty harsh statements.

Following me?

Then in the epilogue, God speaks and poses many questions. And then God says to Eliphaz "I am angry with you and your two friends because you have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has" 42:7. Really? So every strong statement that Job used before was correct?? God really was the lion and Job really was his prey? What?

Yet, Job repents and says "Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes". I do find it interesting that the word "repent" here in this verse that means to be sorry, to console, to avenge is only found in the old testament. It changes meaning in the new testament to "repent" meaning to think differently and to turn away.

So, my professor says that God becomes Job's redeemer. He restores everything Job lost, doubles it.

WHAAAAAAT? It's all VERY confusing to me. So, God lets these bad things happen to Job for no reason? And in fact at one point he points Job out to "Satan"? But then avenges Job in the end and says that he is still right and spoke right about God? Is the whole point that retributive theology is not always true? That God is above cause and effect and all reason? Or what is the point?

I read up on some other commentaries just to take a look. Here are the links: and this one I like In particular, I like that this second author explains why Job repented. That he was correct in his argument against his friends and their false theories, but that he took it to the extreme.

So, all in all I'm confused -- haha, to say the least. And if you read through this mish mash, you're probably confused by what I'm trying to say! Sorry, it's almost 2:30 in the morning and I'm tired.

What are your thoughts? Offer other interpretations that I'm just not seeing?

Friday, March 13, 2009

Spring Break

I graduate in 57 days! Ah!! Less than two months away!

So, for Spring Break my friend Emily and I decided that we are going to go for a two day road trip. We were both bummed because we both had nothing to do for our last spring break. So, we talked about places we could go - Kansas City, Dallas, Colorado (Too far), Austin (Too far), Eureka Springs, and Branson. We finally settled last night on Eureka Springs so that should be fun! I've been there many a time - not recently though - so I know of a lot of things that we can do like Queen Ann Mansion, the train, shopping of course, caves (because my family hates them), the big wild cat reserve just into Missouri, etc. etc.

I think it'll be good just to get away, even if it is only 48 hours! Now, I just need to find a bed & breakfast or a cabin...some form of lodging. Spring break in 30 minutes! YAY!

Sunday, March 8, 2009


Quest Crew!
Don't they just have the best hair! They're so cute!
Go watch this video - it's the finale of America's Best Dance Crew.

Or, go watch this because this one is just awesome for Quest :

Thursday, March 5, 2009


So yesterday I made the first "C" on a test since I think the 6th grade. I don't know if it was me - off day, didn't study as hard as I usually do (although I had 191 items on 43 notecards so maybe not as likely), if it was the poorly written test itself, or what. But, anyway, my mom said she thought that it was good for me HAHA. Because, it finally showed me that I will not be able to perform at 125% as I have been for most of my life, that sometimes I'll have to settle for less. She said that's probably why I've been so stressed out lately. Why my hair has been coming out in mini-clumps haha.

I just have to say that I was not the only A student that made a C or lower either. My friend Emily and Lizzie who usually make high A's if not 100s with me, made a 67% and a 71% so was it all of us? Or the test? She had to curve it ten points... Like the "rant" that I almost left on here yesterday, it's time to just say "fuck it" and move on.

Up to this point, it has been an easy 4.0 give or take some classes. Most of the tests I have taken I haven't really felt that I struggled with. Now, all of a sudden the last half of my LAST semester it seems like everything has rocketed up! Now, I'm going to definitely have to earn my 4 point. That's for sure - I've been busy, busy, busy with homework, tests, paper after paper, group assignment after group assignment, club meeting after club meeting, required volunteering after required volunteering. I'm sure it's gonna be this way after college too so I guess I better get used to it! I don't really even have time to watch TV that much anymore even! Sad day :(

I also ordered the dress for my friend's wedding in May! I'm her bridesmaid. Yay! It's going to be pretty! Can't wait until it comes in on April 13th.

I'm still trying to figure out what to do with my life - it's an un-ending and looming question. This may just have to be another "fuck it" moment -- I may just have to choose once and for all and stick to it. I have made at least some progress though in other areas. I called last Friday to set up an appointment, finally after months of getting enough urge, to talk to a psychologist (well actually a master's clinician even though I asked for a psychologist grrr...).

I haven't been really happy for a long time - probably all starting back in the sixth grade about 10 years ago, honestly. I think for some reason the school change did me in. New sucky friends. I had once been confident and had high self-esteem while at the other school. And for some reason when I changed schools (not even outside of the district) it changed. Tenth grade was a bad year and I think that solidified my social isolation from others and I had a bad breakup with a best friend. Started to take all AP classes. Then this past November was also another downer because of the stress of graduation coming up, trying to study for the LSAT and failing and not knowing what I want to do.

Anyway, safe to say that when I look back I see all the negative haha. That's just how I'm hardwired I guess. Sure, yes, I've had plenty of happy moments like my 20th birthday party, travelling to Alaska and England and Vancouver. But most of the time, I'm not. It's just my personality and it's who I've been for a while. Obviously I don't like it -- at all. I want to be happy! So that's why I finally called Laureate :-) Hopefully they'll be able to give me coping tools and maybe in time I'll be more content with myself!

But that's enough Debbie Downer for one day. Time to move on -- and go eat!

Friday, February 20, 2009

Just felt like writing one...

This week everything caught up with me. I had been able to coast along -- doing as little homework and studying as possible. Then this week I had a ten page paper due, an industry analysis (that turned out to be twelve pages) and a four page paper due...luckily my professor moved our test that was supposed to be today to Monday.

So last night I veged. I watched Ugly Betty, Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, Burn Notice (which I dvr'd) and America's Best Dance Crew (also dvr'd). Then I even read some of a book my friend gave me, it was fantastic! It was The Undomestic Goddess by Sophie Kinsella (who also wrote Tales of a Shopaholic I a major motion picture).

Speaking of books, my friend gave me about five so I have soooo many to read: Something Borrowed Emily Griffin, Mansfield Park, Persuasion, The Boy next Door Meg Cabot, Every Boy's Got One Meg Cabot, Houston, We have a Problema Gwendalyn Zepeda, and Taken by Storm Tami Hoag. Sheeesh that'll keep me busy for quite some time. O and I have Accidental Mother also...don't want to forget that. Wow.

I have 78 days left until I graduate. And the closer it gets, the more it scares the shit out of me. I need to figure it all out and get my shit together or else it's going to be the middle of April and I'm trying to frantically find a job.

Thursday, February 12, 2009


I am currently pondering whether our society has come to the point that we have traditional greetings. I mean, I know we already have some sort of one -- but it's not like in Niger where you say the exact same thing to a person every time you greet them. Usually it's "Hi, How are you (today)?" and usually someone says "I'm doing fine/great/good/adjective, (thanks), how are you?".

I'm just wondering because it seems like when I say anything other that "I'm good how are you" I receive some sort of comment on what I've responded with...sometimes good, sometimes bad.

For instance, my viola instructor asked me today "How are you?". I said "I'm good, I'm a little tired, that's all". To which he said "'ll live". And it's not that it was mean or anything -- he's a really nice guy. It's just that I didn't want my tiredness to underplayed I guess because I was really tired. Anyway, it stuck out to me.

And I think that's why I usually just say "good" or "fine" because of this fact -- which sometimes I'm lying! But, it just seems so rigid now that I feel like I can't really say anything else. Or maybe it's because later I think about and worry about every little thing I said or did. I'm getting better -- but for a while it was very time consuming. Anyway, just a thought I had.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009


So I did not realize that if you ever injure a body part, that it will ache everytime the weather hurts. I mean, I knew my mom's aches were from the weather, but she's had so many surgeries on her knees and shoulders that it's expected.

I was sitting here trying to figure out why my right knee has been aching -- welp it's the one I fell on a while back. Suck.

I "ate" dinner with a friend tonight (more like getting it to go with her for a meeting at 9:30). She said "I think I might get a beer, would that offend you?" I said, NO! Of course not. The only reason I'm not having one is because I'm not 21 haha.

She said "Ok cool, you don't really seem like the type to judge". That kinda made my night, because I really do try hard not to. But, I know I fail a lot of the time at that. For some reason, she didn't end up getting a beer though, lol. Who knows why?

So for everyone that is a Hotel Rwanda fan (*JEFF*)... Paul Rusesabagina is speaking next Monday night the 16th in the Great Hall in the Allen Chapman Activity Center (ACAC) on TU. So, I'll be going! He's going to be speaking about his experience and how he saved 1200 lives so I think it should be really interesting and moving -- I may bring kleenex. Seriously.

Well, gotta go catch up on my reading that I've now fallen behind on :-}

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Living Waters and Rob Bell

So, I was searching emergent/postmodern on yahoo for churches in case I ever decide to move out of Oklahoma. I was just curious.

Well first it, I go to this site: Kind of sad really...I think that this person is coming from a christian I think it's sad that they are putting their energy into discounting emergent/postmodern viewpoints rather than making relationships with other people. O well.

So, I clicked on the "pull the plug on atheism" under his/her February blog posts. Go look at it. It's a picture of a billboard that talks about how athiests believe in something that cannot possibly exist. Which, yea ok, I agree. But put it on a billboard? Really?

So, if you click on the picture of the poster it takes you to their site. And then when you're on their site it has a link for

I did not know that this was the church that Kirk Cameron is so associated with. The one that has the TV show out there were they force people to talk with them and, in my opinion, have become the very essence of the "bull horn guy".

(And I just found this satircal piece to Rob Bell's video: Wow. That's just sad. )

Why do christians have to fight and argue and spew hate at other christians. They put so much energy into that...I'm reading Unchristian right now and I think it definitely shines the light on why people think that christians are more concerned with being right than being loving.

And here's another: Why is this man's first premise about arguing whether or not Peter has little faith in himself or little faith in Jesus? Is it easier for us in any way to think that he has little faith in Jesus? Does it discredit what Jesus did by pulling Peter out of the boat and helping him stand on the water? If it's true that he had little faith in himself, would it prove that Peter is some sort of God or that God wants us to act like we're immortal beings? Does this affect anyone outside of the church? I don't get it. What is the point here? What does it say for us? I guess my point is, other than trying to discredit Rob Bell...what is he saying? He says we should be in "DEF COM1" all the time (something else I took issue with). He goes so far as to call it humanism disguised as christianity. (And if you go and look at the comments, who comes up again but Ray and Kirk from LivingWaters...really interesting).

There are TONS of videos out there to discredit Rob Bell by the way. I didn't even realize it! Wow! He must've really struck a nerve!

Anyway, just my two little cents on this subject.

Here's a little tidbit from the comments as the person who posted the video and "pastor jer" discuss the virgin birth and Bell's teachings. I don't have a comment, but I just found it interesting so I thought I'd post it as well:

preachercam (1 year ago)
Rob Bell, though affirming the virgin birth, denies it is an essential Christian doctrine in Velvet Elvis. That's shocking coming from a graduate of Wheaton.
PastorJer (1 year ago) he does not out-right deny it as unessential but in fact affirms that he believes everything in the creeds, which by the way, can't scripturally quoted. In Velvet Elvis, he merely challenges us to remain in discussion about what it means to live biblically in modern times...such discussion can be very scary yet if we aren't discussing we aren't wrestling and meditating with God's word and that scares me even more
preachercam (1 year ago) He does deny it's necessity asking if we could still be a Christian if there was no virgin birth. No virgin birth means that it wasn't God dying in our place which means that it wasn't the perfect sinless subtitute and no saving power.
PastorJer (1 year ago) I have read and talked about this excerpt from his book many times and I have to say I think you are taking his comments too literally here. He is giving speculative teaching actually asking if Mary was a virgin based on teh Hebrew definition of the word, wouldn't we still believe Jesus was Jesus and that He was in fact God and our redeemer? You are saying no we wouldn't.Then he wouldn't have been God.Rob Bell is saying Hebrew definition or modern, He was in fact God and that doesn't change
preachercam (1 year ago) Rob Bell and Brian Mclaren and Tony Campolo affirm the creeds and then go about radically redefining them. Rob Bell denies the divine inspiration of Scripture, the necessity of repentance, downplays depravity and sin, redefines hell to something on earth, says everyone is already redeemed,and claims that John 14:6 is not about Jesus being the only way of salvation. These aren't minor doctrines.
PastorJer (1 year ago) I have actually sat under many conservative preachers, theologians, and read many commentaries that use biblical criticism to redefine Hell from some spiritual prison of eternity to a more literal place Jesus and others referred to. This isn't a new teaching or interpretation...just not a heralded one...who is right? Both camps can defend it scripturally
preachercam (1 year ago) On Hell, Rob Bell says it is a reality we can create for people here on earth by how we live or how we treat people. He also says that his goal is NOT to stop people from going to hell but to stop hell from coming to earth. That really trivialises the horror and contradicts the real eternal punishemnt Jesus spoke of in Matt 10:28, Luke 12:5 and many other instances.
TheGroup11306 (1 year ago) Rob does not deny this doctrine, he simply uses it as a point that we should be willing to discuss, doubt and question. His use of the virgin birth gets to the point of in that day a virgin was also known as a woman who was impregnated the first time she had intercourse. He then brings the reader to a place to discuss the ramifications of this then known meaning and how it affects what we currently think. God bless brother and thanks for questioning and doubting like the rest of us!
preachercam (1 year ago) I actually said that he affirms the virgin birth but denies that it is essential doctrine.
rryanreid (1 year ago) what a joke to say that isn't essential doctrine.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

He's Just Not That Into You

So my mom and I went to go see He's Just Not That Into You. Very good movie. I've read the book and it's something that I think every female should read! Haha. In fact, I just gave my copy to a friend!

It's a chick flick though! So guys, beware. But I generally liked the message inside the movie also. And yea, the romance too. I can live vicariously through the people haha.

Actually, in one of my psych classes a semester ago, we talked about how people can feel sympathetic for people on screen or in movies. And actually, when you watch a movie, time for you kinda stops. You're in a state of light hypnosis. So, the movie in a sense becomes "real" for about 2.5 hours. Kinda weird huh.

So I have to wake up at 9:00 tomorrow for a 10:45 meeting. Then I'm working on a ten-page paper with my group for my I/O psych class tomorrow. Sometime this weekend I need to go try on bridesmaids dresses again and also read this book that was assigned for my abnormal psych class because I have a paper due on the 19th. So...pretty busy weekend I guess. Guess I should get to bed. Good night.

O, and I never thought of the Mac guy as being sexy...but in this movie he's pretty darn sexy.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Bodily Aches

So part of this post is going to be my complaining post. So if you don't like to hear people complain about stuff don't read or comment. Thanks.

I think I'm falling apart -- physically that is. People that know me really well, know that I try never to complain about physical stuff because I just think it's whiny and that it could be so much worse. Well it can, but right now I don't give a shit.

So a few weeks ago, I was chasing my mini schnauzer 3-year-old sweetheart through the house playing ball. I had on my Uggs from, what, two years ago. I think I sprained my ankle or pulled something. I didn't notice until the next day that it was a little swollen. It seemed to get better. Then later, I was sitting on the couch watching TV, moved my foot, and something popped. And now it hurts all over again. But, I actually think it's getting better again so that's good. Still hurts a little though.

My left eye has been twitching for the last 8 days now! 8! I looked it up online to make sure I wasn't dying (lol, just kidding) or anything and it said that it was likely the cause of stress or lack of sleep. Well I have both so there ya go.

My carpal tunnel/tendonitis is back in full force. Not really sure why either because I still practice the same amount as before. My pieces have gotten a little tougher I guess. And I've been texting a lot more haha. But yea, it sucks. Hands going numb and achy never really feels good.

My jaw is mysteriously hurting. Only my right side. I think it's muscular or a tendon. Everytime I'd take a drink it's tightening up hardcore. Everytime I chew something hard or chewy it hurts. No fun at all.

I think I have an ulcer or at the very least need to change from Nexium. I have woken up a few times to extreme stomach pain - reminiscent of my pre-gallbladder surgery days. And it does it during the day too. No fun.

And let's see, anything else. I think that pretty much covers it.

So, NOW on a GOOD note. I got my hair colored and cut yesterday. I've gotten some very good responses.

The first person I talked to today was a guy in one of my classes.

He said "Hey did you change your hair?"

To which I replied "Yea, I colored it"

He said "I thought you did something. When was this?"

I said "Yesterday".

He said "O, Ok I knew it. I thought I remembered you were a redhead"

I said "yea my hair turns red if I haven't colored it. And the last time I colored it was 11 weeks ago"

He said "well it looks really good!"

SO TOTALLY made my day.

Then, in my next class, this football player walks by and makes eye contact. Something he rarely does with me...usually he just asks for a pencil, paper or a stapler. But he actually smiled. So that was nice. He's an idiot. But I liked the attention.

Then I had another guy play with my hair. So I guess people like it! I do too, I'm fond of it! :)

I fell asleep with my chin on my chest today watching the Dog Whisperer. That's how sleepy I am. So instead of reading my chapter for my class tomorrow...I'm going to go get some extra sleep. Goodnight!

Monday, February 2, 2009


I cannot get motivated lately, to do much of anything really.

I hit the snooze button about 5 times now, slowly growing each week and I have to compensate by either getting dressed and ready faster or setting my alarm even earlier.

I'm sick of the extra pounds that I've packed on since last March when my Gallbladder was taken out. I do very little exercising. The last time I exercised was a couple of weeks ago and I know that I should exercise more. Ever since I've gotten sick twice -- like emergency room sick -- from exercising I've developed a slight resistance and fear to it. I also know that I should be eating healthier but I keep shoving food down my mouth for instant gratification.

I am slacking off on my homework. I know part of it is senioritis because my friends are doing the same thing. But, I think I'm really unmotivated because I still don't know what I want to do. (Although I'm thinking strongly about physical therapy for some reason.) It makes it hard for me to be really interested in something when I don't know if I even like the subject. Take my specialization for example - I'm starting to think it's VERY boring. Sometimes interesting. But overall, pretty much boring. I hate doing stuff that I don't find interesting. Too late now I suppose --better to just graduate now if you ask me.

And probably because I'm a little depressed for some reason. I've been in awkward moods lately. Very unsocial and that's usually not like me. I've said before I think that I'm a shy extrovert because I really like being around other people, but I just lack the social skills. I did manage to kick a habit/addiction since the beginning of this year. So yay!

Now, I'm going to go continue to study for a hopeless test tomorrow in I/O psych (which I hadn't started studying for until about 2 hours ago and I'm already taking a break). Good thing I'm taking the class pass/d/fail now or else I'd really be in trouble!

Thursday, January 29, 2009


So I was in a bad mood for most of the day since my I/O psych class...until abou 4:35.

My I/O professor gave us a little suprise :) A ten page group paper...not listed in the syllabus (or so we all thought). I remembered her saying "paper" earlier last week and I thought...O she must have her classes messed up.

I'm pretty sure that she's a first time teacher. She's a fourth year grad student. She gets nervous when she's in front of the class speaking...I know because she does exactly what I do: hold my breath while trying to speak so I have to gasp for air, shaky voice, and standing behind the podium the entire time instead of walking around the room. And she speaks with a monotone most of the time. So, part of me feels a little sorry for her.

But the other part...

Everyone was pissed when she announced this. One girl that sat behind me said "Are there going to be any more surpise papers that we should know about?".

To which she responded "Actually it's in your syllabus, under class exercises". Well, dang that's clear ain't it. Clear as mud.

To me, the purpose of a syllabus is to let the student be able to judge for him or herself if they want to take the class, if they think the subject sounds interesting, if the course load is too much or just right, etc. This was not clear, and I feel like it was unfair to the students in my class.

So, I had had enough. She's also graded an exercise wrong. And the exercises that she hands out, she introduces the concepts in the same class (not in much detail I might add) and expects us to be able to answer the questions correctly. She assigns readings, but lectures on things that are in assigned readings for the next class. It's all so confusing! Which leads to stress!

So before my viola lesson today I went to go in for a grad check and at the same time I wanted to see if I could make my class a pass/fail class (deadline tomorrow). So the grad check is fine, I'll graduate in May. The lady was so sweet. I mentioned that I was having some problems with my I/O professor and she said "O, uh oh, yea I've heard some things about her" (!!!).

Apparently, I wasn't the only one upset by the surprise 10 page paper. She told me at first that I wouldn't be able to take it pass/fail or else I wouldn't be able to graduate! That it had to be graded. I was about to cry. This teacher makes me nervous.

She told me that she thought that she saw a final try and to come back after my lesson. So I did.

GOOD NEWS! I can take it pass/fail, and I get to keep my specialization (this had been called into question) and I get to keep my minor (also called into question) and I get to graduate in May! So hip hip horray! They simply forgot that I had previously been approved for another class to count for my specialization so everything works out.

And, a project that was due tomorrow got postponed because of the weather, also very very good news!

So, now I'm going to go watch Private Practice and work on a mini-assignment. Good night.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Leave the crap in the past!

So I had only one class today because of the weather. My 11 o'clock Human Resource Management Class.

I thought that last year's negotiations class was behind me. Frankly, I'm soooo sick of talking about it. I hated that diplomacy game! I've tried to move on and to be friends to my foes from last semester because most of them are in my 11 o'clock class...and I thought we had.

Well, today as class was ending AJ, Ivana and JB come up to me, blocking everyone else from leaving from their aisle, and asked me what grade I made in negotiations.

First of all, it's none of their business what grade I made! I wasn't going to answer. I had already told Lizzie, I think, because she's my friend and it really didn't matter at the time (she was on Russia's team just so you know and they screwed us over). I knew that she would ask me, I'd tell her, I'd ask her, she'd tell me, and we'd move on. Which we did. It was great haha.

So, anyway. I just sat there looking at JB, AJ and Ivana thinking to myself that I wasn't going to answer. AJ says "Come on Kelsy, don't be sneaky. Tell us what grade you made!!" when I hestitated.

Because there were people waiting and because I wanted to leave so that I could get home before the roads started to ice, I was about to tell him. But, I said "What did you make AJ?" thinking that that might make him stop. But no, he says, JB says and Ivana says "I made an A".

I said, "Fine, ok, I made an A also".

To which AJ, Ivana and JB get angry saying "WHAT??? How could you have gotten an A?"

I said "I wrote 150 pages for that class!!" I F*CKIN deserved an A! Ok, I really did. Especially with all the crap they put everyone through!!

AJ says "O that's bull crap! You snake! You're so sneaky! Our journal had pictures..."

Ivana seconds him and says "Yea ours had pictures and profiles..."

JB seconds AJ and Ivana also saying "You snake, you snake!" And it continues on for a few seconds. They finally left and I said under my breath "I hate that they still bring up that crap!"

Emily said "Why did they just ask you your grade?".

OOOOO I'm so pissed. I am now reminded why I kept my distance this semester. Yes, I've been friendly, but I've also been trying to ignore them unless necessary to talk to them.

What assholes! What complete assholes! Grrrrrr!

My own professor, I guess could see that I was getting agitated (apparently I have a very good "don't mess with me"/"go to hell" look haha...and I was probably turning red from my bp going up) asked me basically what was up. She said "Kelsy who's your negotiations professor?".

Diego and Raven were also in the room still. Diego and I told her "Professor Wolfe". So she said "So...what's up with the class?". Diego, Raven and I told her that it was interesting, that the people started getting emotional. Diego said "yea, the class participation was just..." as he motioned his hands clawing towards each other.

I said "yea, people were getting angry...but the important thing is that it was last semester! The class is over and I wish they'd stop bringing i up".

She said "Yea, I understand". Raven even looked like she was going to get angry all over again.

It was last semester. It was last semester. It was last semester!!!!! Get over it! Get over it Kelsy. I got an A! And an A is what I deserved.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Facebook can be both a good and Bad thing

So Haley is part of a group named "I bet I can find 500,000 Christian's on Facebook". So I started reading the wall of comments just because I was curious...and I'm avoiding homework haha. This is going to be a long post, so stick with me! :)

There's a man on there who claims to be an athiest and writes several things on the wall. Here's a little of what has been said, in the order that has been stated: (Of course I've edited out a few people)

"religion is gay and fake"..."hahaha I remember when I wrote a story an a bunch of people believed me it was real". Ok, yes a little rude. Definitely going to spur on conversation don't you think?

Here's how some people have responded "We all need to pray for __ _____. He is here to make fun of God's children and that is a dangerous position to be in. May the Holy Spirit reach him before it's too late". And another writes "first off, religion is not gay and is most certainly not fake, that is if you believe in the one true religion...the religion about Jesus Christ, how he created us and died for us and rose again so that we could have eternal life! i am a christian and i beleive that Jesus Christ is our Savior and that if we beleieve in him we will not perish but have everlasting life...also i mean honestly, go outside look at the amazing things God has done, the sky, the trees, the animals, how beautiful it all is and tell me this happened by chance, that it was all made out of cant becuase there was a Creator, God".

To which this man responds "i didnt ask jesus to die for my sins lol if he came up and asked me id be like nah its fine you dont have to. plus im pretty sure science proves evolution is the cause of all 'gods beautiful things'". "cuz theres so much truth of god and jesus, other than a book that was rewritten a bunch of times and usually when that happens stuff gets blow out of prortion". "Also if god and jesus existed then why do little kids die young, why do animals get abused, why to people molest children. if these cartoon characters were real they stop all of this from happening right. btw when was the last time you saw jesus, wait when was the last time anyone saw jesus wasnt it like 2000 years ago or something. ".

He's asking questions that the unchurched would undoubtedly ask! Questions that "Christians" ask as well!

So how do people respond to these comments:

"The power of christ compels you Maxwell King!" and "To Maxwel King: Why don't you ask Him all of your questions when you stand before Him. (Hebrews 9:27 - "And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment.")Every word in this old book that has been re-written so many times has been proven many times over. I challenge you to read it and dis-prove anything in it. Maybe, just maybe, you'll discover the TRUTH. The Good News is that Jesus loves you in spite of your arrogance and ignorance. (Romans 5:8 - But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.) May God bless you and reveal Himself to you." and "ok first off, when God created us he created us special, unlike any other living thing on this planet, HE gave us something, its called FREE WILL. HE didnt just make us like robots and make us love HIM...HE gave us the choice to either accept Him as your one and only personal Savior or to reject him. Its a very controversial thing to why all these bad things happen, but its because God gave the people FREE WILL and they use it to choose to sin and do bad its not that God doesnt love us, its because HE wants us to find and love HIM because we want too...p.s. science cannot prove evolutionDO YOU THINK IT JUST HAPPENED BY CHANCE THAT THE EARTH IS THE ONLY PLANET WITH AN ATMOSPHERE WITH OXYGEN AND WATER?DO YOU THINK BY CHANCE THAT THE EARTH IS PERFECTLY PLACED SO THAT WE ARE NOT TOO CLOSE TO THE SUN TO BE BURNED AND NOT TOO FAR AWAY SO THAT WE WOULD FREEZE, JUST THINK IF WE WERE AN INCH ONE WAY OR THE OTHER!DO YOU THINK THE COMPLEX HUMAN DESIGN WAS CREATED OUTA POND SCUM?"

To which this man responds "Well im going to hell anyway i dont care, thats if the idea of hell is real another crazy fanatical assumption. Hell is better ill know more people there im not gonna let some ''pretend man in the sky'' or some ''guy from 2000 years ago who was a normal person and preached to people to follow him'' control my life. Isnt that what charles manson tried to do to. Im just throwing my opinion out there, to maybe get proven wrong. Im sure ill remain a stone cold atheist tho. Science has more prove then relgion. So at least my sundays are free. "

Notice how he says "I'm just throwing my opinion out there, to maybe get proven wrong". So I think there's a reason why he keeps coming back to this site. Don't you?

Instead of showing this man love and acceptance one lady, who I've already quoted many times above as well as others responds by saying "it is not better and i think we all know that, you have no real proof to back up your belief in atheism! Let me put it this way, remember when i said FREE WILL? well you control whether you believe in God or not, he has control over your life whether you choose to follow Him or not. again science does not have more proof then religion! i think you need to read one of the biggest proofs of them all the BIBLE! God has prophesied many things in that "book" including the RAPTURE, everyone will stand before God. And everything phrophesied in the Bible has and will happen" and "well all I'm saying is how can you believe in something that contradicts itself like the belief in evolution and atheism? God has given us some of the most evident evidence that He is our Almighty Creator ".

I feel very sad for this man. He comes on to the site, I believe, in search of either being disproved or in search of proving that christians really are mean, hypocritical people that will judge you on the spot. Unfortunately, I think he found the latter on this particular site. And, to make a comment on the lady that rails against him every step of the way, as if he needs to be pushed into believing, as if it's her job to convert him (instead of the Holy Spirit's), as if she needs to defend God, talks about the "RAPTURE" being included in the bible. Well, yes, while it may allude to that -- there is no word "rapture" mentioned. Please, correct me if I'm wrong! I definitely don't read the bible as much as I should....

I guess this just hits a nerve. I hate reading about things like this on social sites, where everyone can read it. If I really do some soul searching, I guess I go to these sites to be disproved as well. I want to go on to a site and see christians responding with love and acceptance instead of -- well, hate. I just think the approach is wrong. I should just know better than to read through the walls. Of course, there were some people who did respond in that way! But, only a distinct few.

Anyway, I REALLY need to get back to my homework haha. :) What's your opinion?

Saturday, January 24, 2009


This economy is starting to scare me. My mom had three or four co-workers get laid off this past week. One was on her team and was previously on maternity leave. One was a friend that had worked for IBM for 26 years! And one was a man that she worked closely with, although not on the same team. She was heartbroken for her friends, and scared at the same time that she might lose her own job. It's scary!

I know that Boeing is hiring, however I'm scared that if I quit school and take a job with them (assuming I'd even get offered the job) that I might lose it later and then would either have to search for a new job without insurance (because I'm covered now as long as I'm in school, but I wouldn't be if I stopped my education and took a job), or go back to school and try to find work to support myself. Plus, Boeing is hiring mostly in the northwest and southwest. Not really in Oklahoma. Which I previously would've been ecstatic for! I'd love to live in Seattle or San Diego! But now, what if I took a job over there and then got laid off...what then? Come home? Or try to make it alone over there? And then, do I even want to work for Boeing? Is that the career field I want? Or should I stay in school and try to figure out what to do? So many stinkin' questions!

I guess it's good that at least someone is hiring. My dad told me that Fortune has it's 2009 list of top 10 companies to work for, and only three of them are hiring!

Definitely makes me want to just stay in school until this recession passes.

Side note -- What do you all think about global warming? My mom and dad had this little discussion in the car last night. My dad thinks it's hilarious bull-crap and that it's either global cooling/warming...that it changes everyday. His premise is that it's cyclical (which there are patterns that occur over time, I'll give him that). My mom says that it shouldn't matter if it's global warming/cooling/frosting or whatever. It says in Genesis that we are stewards of the earth. That we were left in charge to take care of it. I have to agree with her. But then there are other issues such as rising fuel costs, additional taxes, etc. that my dad says could be a burden when there are other things to worry about. So...anyway...enough of me rambling. What's your opinion?

Also, I'm soooo happy that I have found two speakers for my Management Honor Society this semester! A lady manager from Baker Hughes Centrilift and Aaron, the airport manager in Claremore! Yay! And the girl from Baker Hughes said that her company may be willing to sponsor lunch! Hallelujah -- because we're broke! There's a mix-up in the business office that still hasn't been taken care of and it's January!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Random Thoughts

This has been the second weekend in a row that the message/theme for the week at Agora corresponds with one of the church signs by my neighborhood. It's kinda weird -- yes, God, I'm listening now!

I will start the second week of the last semester at TU on Tuesday. The beginning of the end for me. It's sad. I just bought a book last night at borders called Now What? The young person's guide to choosing the perfect career by Nicholas Lore. He also wrote The Pathfinder for older adults who want to find the perfect career after being out in the work field for anyone who may be interested. I'm only a chapter in, but it sounds promising! He describes what the average person wants in life and what we should want from our jobs. He also points out that only 30% of people like their work based on a gallup poll, I believe, and that most people do not go into the field in which they have their degree from college. So, he says it's really important to discover a career option that will fit with your personality and make you happy. After all, you'll spend more time working than doing anything else! It's true!

Well, I'm out of things to say. I'm going to go enjoy this beautiful day! :D

Thursday, January 15, 2009

July 20th

Just out of curious I typed in July 20 into google's search engine. I went to the wikipedia site that it brought up and here is a list of people that were born on July 20th and who died on July 20th as well as some interesting facts. (July 20th is my bday if you didn't know)

  • Ford motor company shipped the first car
  • congresswoman Alice Mary Robinson became the first female to preside over the US house of representatives
  • FDR wins the election for the fourth time
  • Truman issues a military draft during peace
  • Special olympics were founded
  • Apollo 11 successfully lands the first man on the moon
  • Viking 1 lands on mars
  • Hank Aaron hits his 755th home run
  • Vanessa Williams is ousted as Miss America
  • London stock exchange goes public
  • Canada legalizes same sex marriage
  • Alexander the Great born
  • Cormac McCarthy born
  • Carlos Santana born
  • Josh Holloway born
  • Sandra Oh born
  • Gisele Bundchen born
  • Vitamin C born
  • Elliot yamin born
  • Bruce Lee died
  • Gregory Hill died
  • 2 popes died
  • Tammy Faye Bakker died

And that's it, well, what I found to be interesting.


I haven't watched this video in a long time, probably a year. I was planning on watching it every morning to remind me to breath. I still want to get a tattoo that says breath.

I'm sure most of you have seen it at Agora. It's one of those videos that I'm still talking about, that I still get emotional over. It's amazing.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Was supposed to post this Tuesday

So, I'm sittin here at US Cellular...I'm working today for a few hours while my boss, Rachel, goes to a managers' meeting. I haven't actually worked here since October -- so I was super nervous that I would not remember vital things.

So far, only one customer has been in. But, crap...I forgot to press one stinkin' button and I spent about 30 minutes on the phone with customer service. And then I had to do a deposit on the same poor guy and that took a while of me looking for the sheet to jog my memory on how to start. I knew that if I started I could finish it, which I did.

He eventually had to leave because it was taking me so long. Left in a huff. O happens right? Haha. He has to come back anyway.

So I've been thinking about what Justin was talking about last Saturday evening. About the one thing. Pretty "coincidental" that that was the subject after I've been thinking about it for so long!
Before coming in that night and watching the video Shells by Rob Bell I had never looked at being busy that way. In fact, there was a church sign by my house that said "If you're too busy to pray, you're too busy". I thought, and still think, that they have it wrong -- that you don't have to be in a "sacred" moment, because all moments are sacred. You don't have to be down on your knees in prayer - you can talk to God in the shower, in the car, watching TV, etc.

But, anyway, I always thought that being busy had two sides, or I could see two sides. On one hand it's like the Aerosmith song, "I don't want to miss a thing!" You have to get out there and do things to be fulfilled and happy! Achieve achieve achieve! Then on the other hand, God says to be still and quiet and know that he is God. So, it seems to me like there should be both, a balance! Like so many things in life.

But, after going in and watching how we can hold onto the shell fragments that prevent us from reaching something better like the starfish, it opened my eyes. I still can see my last viewpoint. But, now I guess I can see that I shouldn't be saying "yes" for the wrong reasons. Sometimes, I need to be able to tell someone, even if it's for a good cause, "no".

For me, it's the fact that I need to slow down and not take on so much, which is what happened in October when I quit US Cellular. I was in two important clubs, one of which I was helping to run. I had 17 hours at TU in a crazy schedule and I felt like I was giving all of my free time to the store on my time off from school. I think I've already relayed how I had a little mini-breakdown because I missed a Mortar Board meeting. So, I've come to the realization that it's ok to say no (which is going to be hard). I like to help people to the point of my own detriment. I can still help, but it should be different.

As school starts back up again, it's something that I need to keep in mind while I search for my one thing.