Monday, February 21, 2011

Romantic Comedies -- why do I put myself through them?

I went and saw Just Go With It with a friend last night. Super cute and hilarious! Definitely a RomCom and I'm going to buy it. But....................movies like that make my heart hurt. Most of the time I can ignore the fact that I am not in a romantic relationship, but then in those moments it all hits me and I feel like cryin or gettin it on ;) or screaming. Pick one.

And, I know movies are not like real life. No one looks that good or says those things. But, still. It leaves me longing for companionship and love so bad that it hurts.

Not sure really why I watch them when I always feel like this after a good ending. Maybe it's my hopeless romantic side flaring up underneath my "everything is fine" exterior. Or maybe it's hope. I choose the latter.

Mmmmm I listening to Nat King Cole on iTunes. His voice to me is like cinnamon, or maple sliding down a tree, or the smell of fresh cut wood. I could listen to his voice forever. I hope that God's voice sounds like a mixture of him and Morgan Freeman :) But...I know it'll be even sweeter.

For some reason my foot hurts today and has for the last two days in the boot!! I think it's because I did a lot of walking at work today :( Stinks. The boot is uncomfortable and I wish I didn't need it. But, it will be off soon! :)

Mmmmm Bing Crosby just came up on my shuffle. Gotta go drift away to his lulling voice. Yumminess.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Existential Moment

Sitting here watching the Bucket List with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson.

Makes me think about my own bucket list...which I have not really made...And the awesome glasses that Jack Nicholson uses to watch T.V. while laying down :)

So, what am I doing? I have a friend who has traveled overseas, graduated from Yale and is now at UC Davis able to visit San Fran whenever she wants. I have another that graduated high school early and went to Spain to study for 6 months and is back in the states engaged to a Spaniard. I have another that interned at Crested Butte (sp?) and now lives in Chicago doing the job of her dreams. I have another who has a G0d given talent for art. Graduated from OU and is now in Ireland in graduate school for art!!! Ireland! And the list goes on and on.

If I really want something, why do I not go for it??? I want to live in San Francisco, D.C., Portland, NYC. I want to travel across Europe, possibly live there. I want to go sailing on the ocean. I want to write my own book of poetry. I want to see 1000 sunrises and sunsets. I want to travel to the intricate non-touristy areas of Mexico. I want to see where the water in South America is half black and half muddy brown. I want to see the lake of fireflies.

So, what is holding me back? Not just about the big things, but even the little things. I want to stretch my wings and really just -- live. God has given me this wonderful life, why do I forsake it and waste it like I do?

No more hiding from myself and others. Like it or not, this is me!!!

Friday, February 4, 2011

my food addiction

I have been on the Atkins Diet a week ago last Monday. So, about a week and a half. It has been HARD.

I now know what it would be like to be addicted to something and have those intense cravings when you are trying to quit because I felt that. Hello, my name is Kelsy and I am addicted to food.

Well first of all you go through the induction flu as your body moves into ketosis (burning fat for energy). And, I certainly did. My legs were cramping. I was so nauseous and dizzy. I was actually running a low grade fever.

And, to top it all off I have not lost as much weight as they say you typically should. Typically you lose up to 14 pounds in the first two weeks. I have only lost 6. SIX!!!

The other thing about this diet is that it is a life style change. You basically have to do this diet for the rest of your life or you will gain back because your body will go out of ketosis.

I don't know if I can do this diet for the rest of my life! So much protein that you can cook in only so many ways. And, I originally did this diet because I love meat and fish and cheese. But, I had no idea that I could get sick of it so quickly.

There is one plus to this diet and that is I am not hungry during the day which is a miracle! I no longer get shaky or sick if I am hungry.

So, I don't know. I thought I needed a diet that felt like a diet because all of the others haven't worked. But, I'm not sure I can do this for that much longer.

But, If I don't what will I do? I'm already thinking about the Best Life diet by Oprah's trainer Bob Greene. He has it in 4 phases that let you take baby steps and built in cheating days.

SOOO, for now I'm frustrated with myself. I can't keep to any diet for very long...just like everything else in my life! No, I'm not becoming depressed again....just forcing myself to analyze myself. Hopefully, I will change for the better.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

So, Sweetie is still here. The steroids we've been giving her have really helped. She seems to feel so much better and it's lifted all of our spirits. She's back to her normal self, except more snuggly :) which I love. Just trying not to think that it's going to end soon.

Third day stuck in this house due to the 14 inches of snow and they're saying more is coming tomorrow, sunday and next wednesday. :( When will it end...I wish I was in Alaska. At least I would have pretty mountains and glaciers to enjoy.

I have gotten a few things done those since I've been snowlocked. Cleaned up under the bathroom sink, polished my silver jewelry, uploaded videos from a year ago that needed to go up, and finished a paper on Tuesday. Still have plenty to do, but for now I am loving sitting here and letting myself do absolutely nothing. It's a needed respite and I'm enjoying every minute of it!!