tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22140236015518858712024-02-20T01:16:21.108-06:00Silly Ramblings of a Dreaming SchoolgirlFHL_Alwayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15764679430186265792noreply@blogger.comBlogger107125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2214023601551885871.post-78574992317937531292011-07-31T16:44:00.001-05:002011-07-31T16:44:50.562-05:00<div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Tahoma, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; "><p style="color: rgb(17, 17, 0); ">I realized three days after applying to TCC that I had not received an acceptance e-mail because they are waiting for my transcripts. All four of them - High School, 2 Undergrad colleges and 1 Grad college. </p><p style="color: rgb(17, 17, 0); ">Hopefully, they will receive these soon so I can enroll in classes!</p><p style="color: rgb(17, 17, 0); "> </p><p><span class="Apple-style-span" >I just got back from a weekend in </span><a href="http://maps.google.com/maps?saddr=Tulsa,+OK&daddr=Bentonville,+AR&hl=en&ll=36.261992,-95.064697&spn=5.163408,9.876709&sll=35.20105,-91.831833&sspn=5.232585,9.876709&geocode=FX6qJwIdOURH-imPLtHduJK2hzH3atkbyBBp5w%3BFXYBKwIdz3xi-ilJSdZOABDJhzECvyUkyIyA2g&mra=ls&z=7" target="_blank" rel="nofollow" style="outline-style: none !important; outline-width: initial !important; outline-color: initial !important; "><span class="Apple-style-span" >Arkansas</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" > with the cuz, her son and my sister. We had a pretty good time. There's never really anything exciting, just spending time with each other. It means a lot to her, otherwise I just wouldn't go. Haley was very glad that she was treated well -- I told her there was no reason to worry. So, all in all it was a successfully splendid weekend away. Good for both of us. We're all really tired for some reason though.</span></p><p style="color: rgb(17, 17, 0); "> </p><p style="color: rgb(17, 17, 0); ">I still need to contact people to shadow...I look at Colton and Liam and Zander, and it seems as though you can tell now what they will succeed in at some point in the future. Zander is very intellectual and great at english. Liam is much more physical in nature and does not like to sit still. I think he'll do something with his hands. And Colton likes putting things away and playing with cords so I'm imagining him becoming an engineer, electrician or pro golfer :) I just wish my mom had made a mental note of me at that age and could tell me now what she was thinking for me. </p><p style="color: rgb(17, 17, 0); "> </p><p style="color: rgb(17, 17, 0); ">I realize how stupid it sounds that I am wanting to, again, change my path. But, people do it all the time. And, so many people do not have the same opportunities that I am blessed with...so why not take advantage of my situation and place in life and go for more. I do not want to settle. And, I never saw myself as something other than a person with a PhD, MD or other doctorate of some sort. I know that no matter what I choose I'll do it well -- it's just finding something that I would like to do for a long time. </p><p style="color: rgb(17, 17, 0); ">Dr. Habashi said, "I have no doubt that whatever you choose you will do good". I replied, "yes, I know I'll give my best into whatever I choose and I'll be good at it." She said, "No, not do well in the job, but do good for others." That really stuck with me. I hope it does for a long time.</p></span></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0c47xUTGt7RzAlU9Qlt63HfxNEf85EmWrH4hs5JvSepF-z_g7hKqp3T7qA-Iub_YPD81Mj5ktwZGveKZ6ChfHQkMUI6gurSf4IjdNck7sSVwstS4MA-zDsBc4oxHpfpoAtyeMdLjc4F2z/s1600/helping-hand.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 151px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0c47xUTGt7RzAlU9Qlt63HfxNEf85EmWrH4hs5JvSepF-z_g7hKqp3T7qA-Iub_YPD81Mj5ktwZGveKZ6ChfHQkMUI6gurSf4IjdNck7sSVwstS4MA-zDsBc4oxHpfpoAtyeMdLjc4F2z/s200/helping-hand.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5635635553822747298" /></a>FHL_Alwayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15764679430186265792noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2214023601551885871.post-42366433199256586072011-07-20T00:21:00.001-05:002011-07-20T00:21:50.842-05:00Embarkation<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(17, 17, 0); font-family: Tahoma, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; "><p>My birthday is today and I want this to be the start of a new year. Which means, my diet has got to start tomorrow or within the next couple of days. </p><p>I am thinking that I want to continue with school, especially after talking with an academic mentor of mine. </p><p>It's no secret that I've had trouble trying to decide on what to do next. I had a discussion with a life coach and she suggested that it was time that I get a job. Get some on the job training instead of academic/university training. </p><p>So, after graduating I was somewhat set on that direction. I began applying to lots of jobs only to get turned down. It's hard to find a job out there!</p><p> </p><p>Then, I met with my mentor a week ago and she asked me why I was going to get a job. What my plan was for the future. I told her I had no idea...I was just applying for anything that looked interesting to me. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do in five years. </p><p>She kind of confronted me and asked me why I would do that instead of taking more classes or doing something that would interest me more. It was a good question. Made me think!</p><p> </p><p>I told her that I was interested in oncology, OB/GYN, neonatologist, and physical therapy. Those are things I keep coming back to whenever I think of my "options". </p><p> </p><p>So, I think I am going to enroll in prerequisite courses for PT, at least for right now. I'll go to TCC. It'll take me a year to complete the prereq's for PT. Probably 2 or more years of prereq's for med school if that's what I decide to do. I plan on shadowing a PT and a doctor. In fact, I need to call someone soon so I can do that. </p><p>I'm the type of person that has to get my hands dirty and immerse myself in the role to know if I will like it. It's how I've known about what I haven't liked before. So, I think it will really help to do some observation and shadowing. </p><p> </p><p>And, that means I have at least a year to get back in shape. That should be plenty of time to lose at least 70 pounds and plenty of time to figure out my next steps. </p><p> </p><p>Here goes nothing!!</p></span>FHL_Alwayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15764679430186265792noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2214023601551885871.post-12345750244303925932011-05-18T22:31:00.002-05:002011-05-18T22:33:09.118-05:00And, I'm off. I graduated with my Master in Human Relations last Friday. But, I don't think it has really hit me yet that I have a post-graduate degree. Hell yeah I'm proud of myself!!<div><br /></div><div>Now, it's up to me to figure out what to do next. Whether that's more school or finding a career, it's all good from here. </div>FHL_Alwayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15764679430186265792noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2214023601551885871.post-82237066144414072242011-04-13T23:01:00.003-05:002011-04-13T23:02:18.108-05:00Random ThoughtsI have discovered through self-reflection that I am very good at writing fact-based and research-based papers. And, I have somewhat lost my ability to write creatively. It's sad...I used to be such a great creative writer.FHL_Alwayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15764679430186265792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2214023601551885871.post-58101598282424201442011-03-29T19:07:00.005-05:002011-03-29T19:32:31.678-05:00Sweetie<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtbT24p7HC6QHy15hCkU8icdWTqxI9fL42YEtfa_FLo_v1dCrW1_eqcH-DJqFVrIMu3yEehN_bgDG23llVjmpI2kGlni00v2z9VKhoVhpPPTnU-4lHg1tWrb1mN_MhvEq86Gv0Wpvc1sxA/s1600/Buddy+008.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtbT24p7HC6QHy15hCkU8icdWTqxI9fL42YEtfa_FLo_v1dCrW1_eqcH-DJqFVrIMu3yEehN_bgDG23llVjmpI2kGlni00v2z9VKhoVhpPPTnU-4lHg1tWrb1mN_MhvEq86Gv0Wpvc1sxA/s320/Buddy+008.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5589659574815582546" /></a><br /><div><br /></div><div>Sweetie Walton, the calico, would be twelve years old this July. We didn't know her </div><div>exact birthday so we said it was with mine on July 20th.</div><div><br /></div><div>I remember when I first saw Sweetie. "Santa" had dropped her and Shasta off on Christmas Eve with my mom's side of the family all celebrating with Christmas dinner. Haley so was so stinkin' excited. My mom said "Do you hear that? I think that's Santa, let's go look!". So we all ran outside and my aunt brought out the kittens...just eight weeks old at the time.</div><div><br /></div><div>We had been wanting pets since I was old enough to ask for one. Finally my parents (really my dad) caved in.</div><div><br /></div><div>Haley named Sweetie and I named Shasta and it stuck. They were so much fun. I remember one day when my mom called me in and both of them had hopped into the nice warm dryer as she was unloading it. Or the time that Shasta was no where to be found, except when I opened up the linen closet to pull out a towel. </div><div><br /></div><div>After Shasta had knocked Sweetie out of the second story window, we decided to give her to my aunt Eloda. We kept Sweetie. Since we got the cats a year after we moved in, I'm not sure how it's going to feel without her here. Yes, I'll have Buddy. And, yes he won't be as jealous ;-) But, even animals grieve. </div><div><br /></div><div>I'll miss my friend. You know, I had heard that animals can cry. I had never seen it before. But, she knew there was something up when we kissed her and told her goodbye tonight. She was crying. And it was hard, very hard...But, I know we made the right decision. She's no longer in any pain. She's resting. She was much older than me and wise beyond her years. I hope she felt that she lived a good life.</div><div><br /></div><div>I just know my grandpa met her in heaven (he loved cats) so she's in good hands...and we'll see her again someday soon. I love you my Sweetie. </div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiix4cu_lkdCUwVtlgwLWeTg3OTxzaw4ide9cROC_cHcSnEfOtGmn2j7jqVBjWZByaD9M1Yf3RML21l_A2kWkOchdhPdj_K6knyxb3xzqBFGsUiZGno62uQ5oyKNY8W05RgdDwEfiZWHQd8/s200/204.JPG" /><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8Lr2SWHnugt1TuigSsMO55FG-6TGEp-GJWpOiWvRDfYjmTuNYkRHkGWNbhcHkniH09MI9R54E9hxywuYsHmppJH-MKLmbAWpsWZAF_rsVRrSH651rGXayAsG1AzMyV_cJAWbYifcd6n6r/s200/013.JPG" /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>FHL_Alwayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15764679430186265792noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2214023601551885871.post-57908445722078545232011-03-14T00:59:00.002-05:002011-03-14T01:12:33.109-05:00I've been sick for the last few days. I've had a low grade fever, throbbing headaches, and horrible back aches. Not sure what it is, but I'd like it to stop. <div><br /></div><div>But, I have gone out anyways. No one else in my family is sick, so I'm guessing it's not contagious. And, I'm not going to let it keep me down. I went out walking with a friend on Saturday, it was so nice outside and the wind kept us cool :) But, other than that I have been laying around, sleeping in, and doing some career searching. Just wanting to see what's out there. </div><div><br /></div><div>And, I've been dating. Haley almost forced me to put a profile on plentyoffish.com and I finally did. I've gotten a lot of messages from guys! And, I've been out with two. Both seem pretty nice. Still feels weird though because I don't really know them. </div><div><br /></div><div>One of them, I'll call him Peter, gives me a weird feeling. Not sure what it is, I can't put my finger on it. I have always been really good at reading people and their intentions, way before some of my friends and family. And, there's just something not right. I'm not sure what is normal for texting when you've only been out once, but for my preferences he does it too much -- almost to the point of annoying. </div><div><br /></div><div>The other, I'll call him Sam...I felt nothing weird whatsoever when we went out Saturday night. It was nice! We went to eat and then went on a drive; I showed him around Tulsa since he's not from here. </div><div><br /></div><div>I actually left the first date with Peter feeling upset. He had just given me my first kiss, ever. And I was on the verge of crying because I felt like, "if this is what dating is and how it feels then, I don't want to date". But, luckily it felt no where near that with Sam...so I still have hope. </div><div><br /></div><div>I am finally getting my flirt on too ;) I've never really been great at it, so I can only hope I've gotten better and not worse :) Now, I just need to prove to myself that I can lose some weight. Then, I'll feel even MORE comfortable in my own skin.</div><div><br /></div><div>Hoping that I start feeling better and that this week is awesome! :D</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>FHL_Alwayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15764679430186265792noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2214023601551885871.post-18954016600392014562011-02-21T23:22:00.004-06:002011-02-21T23:32:33.213-06:00Romantic Comedies -- why do I put myself through them?I went and saw Just Go With It with a friend last night. Super cute and hilarious! Definitely a RomCom and I'm going to buy it. But....................movies like that make my heart hurt. Most of the time I can ignore the fact that I am not in a romantic relationship, but then in those moments it all hits me and I feel like cryin or gettin it on ;) or screaming. Pick one. <div><br /></div><div>And, I know movies are not like real life. No one looks that good or says those things. But, still. It leaves me longing for companionship and love so bad that it hurts. </div><div><br /></div><div>Not sure really why I watch them when I always feel like this after a good ending. Maybe it's my hopeless romantic side flaring up underneath my "everything is fine" exterior. Or maybe it's hope. I choose the latter.<br /><div><br /></div><div>Mmmmm I listening to Nat King Cole on iTunes. His voice to me is like cinnamon, or maple sliding down a tree, or the smell of fresh cut wood. I could listen to his voice forever. I hope that God's voice sounds like a mixture of him and Morgan Freeman :) But...I know it'll be even sweeter. </div><div><br /></div><div>For some reason my foot hurts today and has for the last two days in the boot!! I think it's because I did a lot of walking at work today :( Stinks. The boot is uncomfortable and I wish I didn't need it. But, it will be off soon! :)</div><div><br /></div><div>Mmmmm Bing Crosby just came up on my shuffle. Gotta go drift away to his lulling voice. Yumminess. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div></div>FHL_Alwayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15764679430186265792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2214023601551885871.post-57689994658610715412011-02-06T01:12:00.004-06:002011-02-06T01:26:05.070-06:00Existential MomentSitting here watching the Bucket List with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson. <div><br /></div><div>Makes me think about my own bucket list...which I have not really made...And the awesome glasses that Jack Nicholson uses to watch T.V. while laying down :)</div><div><br /></div><div>So, what am I doing? I have a friend who has traveled overseas, graduated from Yale and is now at UC Davis able to visit San Fran whenever she wants. I have another that graduated high school early and went to Spain to study for 6 months and is back in the states engaged to a Spaniard. I have another that interned at Crested Butte (sp?) and now lives in Chicago doing the job of her dreams. I have another who has a G0d given talent for art. Graduated from OU and is now in Ireland in graduate school for art!!! Ireland! And the list goes on and on. </div><div><br /></div><div>If I really want something, why do I not go for it??? I want to live in San Francisco, D.C., Portland, NYC. I want to travel across Europe, possibly live there. I want to go sailing on the ocean. I want to write my own book of poetry. I want to see 1000 sunrises and sunsets. I want to travel to the intricate non-touristy areas of Mexico. I want to see where the water in South America is half black and half muddy brown. I want to see the lake of fireflies. </div><div><br /></div><div>So, what is holding me back? Not just about the big things, but even the little things. I want to stretch my wings and really just -- live. God has given me this wonderful life, why do I forsake it and waste it like I do?</div><div><br /></div><div>No more hiding from myself and others. Like it or not, this is me!!!</div>FHL_Alwayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15764679430186265792noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2214023601551885871.post-41096247682986349152011-02-04T23:41:00.003-06:002011-02-05T00:00:22.714-06:00my food addictionI have been on the Atkins Diet a week ago last Monday. So, about a week and a half. It has been HARD.<div><br /><div><div>I now know what it would be like to be addicted to something and have those intense cravings when you are trying to quit because I felt that. Hello, my name is Kelsy and I am addicted to food. </div></div><div><br /></div><div>Well first of all you go through the induction flu as your body moves into ketosis (burning fat for energy). And, I certainly did. My legs were cramping. I was so nauseous and dizzy. I was actually running a low grade fever. </div></div><div><br /></div><div>And, to top it all off I have not lost as much weight as they say you typically should. Typically you lose up to 14 pounds in the first two weeks. I have only lost 6. SIX!!!</div><div><br /></div><div>The other thing about this diet is that it is a life style change. You basically have to do this diet for the rest of your life or you will gain back because your body will go out of ketosis. </div><div><br /></div><div>I don't know if I can do this diet for the rest of my life! So much protein that you can cook in only so many ways. And, I originally did this diet because I love meat and fish and cheese. But, I had no idea that I could get sick of it so quickly. </div><div><br /></div><div>There is one plus to this diet and that is I am not hungry during the day which is a miracle! I no longer get shaky or sick if I am hungry. </div><div><br /></div><div>So, I don't know. I thought I needed a diet that felt like a <b>diet</b> because all of the others haven't worked. But, I'm not sure I can do this for that much longer.</div><div><br /></div><div>But, If I don't what will I do? I'm already thinking about the Best Life diet by Oprah's trainer Bob Greene. He has it in 4 phases that let you take baby steps and built in cheating days. </div><div><br /></div><div>SOOO, for now I'm frustrated with myself. I can't keep to any diet for very long...just like everything else in my life! No, I'm not becoming depressed again....just forcing myself to analyze myself. Hopefully, I will change for the better. </div>FHL_Alwayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15764679430186265792noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2214023601551885871.post-52169690790474250912011-02-03T20:40:00.002-06:002011-02-03T20:44:40.300-06:00So, Sweetie is still here. The steroids we've been giving her have really helped. She seems to feel so much better and it's lifted all of our spirits. She's back to her normal self, except more snuggly :) which I love. Just trying not to think that it's going to end soon. <div><br /></div><div>Third day stuck in this house due to the 14 inches of snow and they're saying more is coming tomorrow, sunday and next wednesday. :( When will it end...I wish I was in Alaska. At least I would have pretty mountains and glaciers to enjoy. </div><div><br /></div><div>I have gotten a few things done those since I've been snowlocked. Cleaned up under the bathroom sink, polished my silver jewelry, uploaded videos from a year ago that needed to go up, and finished a paper on Tuesday. Still have plenty to do, but for now I am loving sitting here and letting myself do absolutely nothing. It's a needed respite and I'm enjoying every minute of it!!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>FHL_Alwayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15764679430186265792noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2214023601551885871.post-82687155716081420052011-01-19T11:38:00.002-06:002011-01-19T11:46:12.018-06:00SweetieSweetie is very sick. She was diagnosed with what they think is Feline Infectious Paratinitis -- the worst it could have been .<br /><br />They originally thought it could be leukemia, AIDS, or FIP. And, apparently FIP spells a fast death sentence.<br /><br />I absolutely hate suffering. I hate watching people sick and dying. I hate watching an animal who is also going through the same thing. It breaks my heart.<br /><br />She's more depressed, staying to herself or upstairs all of the time. She has almost stopped eating completely -- which means no passing of the food either. Today she almost bit me when I tried to pick her up, I think it hurts her.<br /><br />Two nights ago, I was in my room upstairs, trying to go to sleep, and I could hear her sitting just outside my door panting and gasping to breath.<br /><br />I couldn't stand it, I started crying and had to go downstairs to lay with my mom instead.<br /><br />The steroids seem to help ease the pain and let her feel a little better...for a few hours.<br /><br />If she keeps on like this, I think we're going to have to put her down tomorrow. Ah, I'm crying just thinking about it.<br /><br />What also stinks is that, I wanted her to be euthanized at home where she is most happiest. She absolutely HATES and LOATHES the vet. She becomes this bobcat hissing and spitting. I don't want the last minutes of her life to be spent in anger and fear.<br /><br />But, I learned that even if the vet came to our house, he'd still have to hold her down to give her a shot and then find a vein. So...she'd still be upset and growling.<br /><br />She's not going to get to go the way I wanted her to. I wish she could just die in my arms or at home sometimes. Just drift off to sleep.<br /><br />It's amazing how much you can feel sad when you lose an animal. She was always there, always a part of our family for the past 10.5 years. The house won't be the same without her, because I can't remember a time when she wasn't there.<br /><br />What really gets me upset is that she still purrs. After everything that she's going through, all the pain and labored breathing -- if you pet her, she still purrs. She still purrs.<br /><br />I'm going to miss my friend. But, she lived a long happy life -- plenty of food and shelter to keep her warm. No telling where she'd be if we hadn't adopted her.<br /><br />Goodbye Sweetie.FHL_Alwayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15764679430186265792noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2214023601551885871.post-76215981389728832352010-12-31T12:33:00.002-06:002010-12-31T12:54:02.861-06:00Resolutions 2011So, I did it. I joined <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">ediets</span>.com and will be starting the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">glycemic</span> index diet tomorrow -- going grocery shopping later today for this next week. <div> </div><div>I have 95 pounds to lose and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">ediets</span> has me on a schedule of 51 weeks (2lbs of weight loss a week) to get down to my goal weight. </div><div><br /></div><div>I REALLY need to stick with this. I'm sluggish, tired, out of shape. My joints hurt -- I feel like I'm a 40 year old woman. I have weird sicknesses that I can't figure out. I don't like going out because of my weight and therefore wonder why any guy would want to date a heavy person like me. I'm probably close to developing diabetes and can't play this guessing game anymore. </div><div><br /></div><div>So, any way...it is one of my resolutions to lose a TON of weight this year. </div><div><br /></div><div>I also want to resolve to watch less television, take myself less seriously and just let go, become more outgoing, get more involved in exercise and sports, and take up a hobby that will get me energized and going. </div><div><br /></div><div>So, here's to a new year tomorrow. The start of another 365 days. We never know what the future holds, whether the next moment may be our last. So, I resolve to live for the moment. Live in the here and now the way God created me to be. He didn't make me to live in the future or the past -- I just need to relax and let go and let God. </div><div><br /></div><div>May 2011 be filled with joy and happiness. May 2011 bring new challenges from which to grow and new opportunities to take. And most of all, please be better than 2010!!!! Cheers! :-)</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>FHL_Alwayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15764679430186265792noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2214023601551885871.post-80852583839968203732010-12-14T23:17:00.003-06:002010-12-14T23:22:14.168-06:00Old CrushI should be going to bed...and I am sleepy. But, not ready yet so here's a post :)<div><br /></div><div>Every once in a while I do this...but I went back and looked at a few of the crushes I've had over the years. One in particular that I told him I liked him while I was very drunk haha! </div><div><br /></div><div>I don't regret it, although it made things really awkward...but looking at him now, he don't look so cute any more mama! He's got a long, slim face...lost it's boyish charm. </div><div><br /></div><div>But. But, I will say he seems like he is the same genuinely nice, funny, and caring guy that I remember from my first year in college at TCU...So, shame on me for looking at my old crushes and judging them on their current looks. If he was still in school with me today, I know I'd be fighting with myself on whether to keep my hands off him ;)</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>FHL_Alwayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15764679430186265792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2214023601551885871.post-7579939173457367332010-11-16T22:51:00.003-06:002010-11-16T23:01:37.528-06:00Life recentlyIt's been a while since my last post....things have been super busy. So busy, I haven't had time to reflect. <div><br /></div><div>But, things are slowing down now, hence the new post. I decided to drop my thesis and take the comps instead next semester. The thesis was a little more than I bargained For. I know too little about the field to really write about it at this point, my research writing skills are poor, and the professor doesn't really want me to do it either, so there ya go. Problem solved, no more thesis. </div><div>I did put in a lot of work, but I'll just chalk it up to experience...again. </div><div><br /></div><div>Volunteering at LIBR has been great. The people are awesome and the things we get to do on a daily basis are so interesting! Analyzing brain data from an fMRI scan -- too cool. </div><div><br /></div><div>My mom had neck surgery last month, before Halloween. She's doing pretty well. She kinda stopped taking her pain meds, so she hurts more, but I can't really blame her -- I hate taking those too. She's getting pretty bored tho! I can only imagine -- watching TV 7-8 hours a day while we're all working would get really boring. So, she's been playing games on TV and watching movies...there's nothing on during the day anyway. </div><div><br /></div><div>Haley is doing well in school. Yesterday they had a two hour lock down while the Jenks police searched for two armed robbers in the area. That was kinda scary, didn't like getting that phone call from the school or her. But, glad everyone was safe. </div><div><br /></div><div>I played a concert Sunday night with the Tulsa Signature Symphony. Sam Harris was the guest singer. He was AWESOME!!! He is a vocal musician, seriously. The music just gets deep in his soul and just reverberates to everyone. He's so good. Makes me want to go see him play Al Joleson on Broadway. AND, so proud that he's an Oklahoma native of Sand Springs!!! </div><div><br /></div><div>My playing, however, on Sunday night was not the greatest. I haven't really played the viola consistently for a while now and it shows. I hate that. I love music, I love playing, practicing...it's ok lol. I just need to find the time to make it happen no matter what. That is something I cannot give up. I am a musician, but I was sure rusty. </div><div><br /></div><div>I must say adieu and good night and have a good morrow. :)</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>FHL_Alwayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15764679430186265792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2214023601551885871.post-74882402998601654862010-09-17T13:51:00.003-05:002010-09-17T13:58:56.609-05:00NumbThe last couple of days have been a little weird. <div><br /></div><div>Tuesday I went to the doctor for a sore throat and skin rash. He prescribed an antibiotic in case it was strep. Wednesday morning I took one pill of the medication (500mg) and then by noon I was numb all over. </div><div><br /></div><div>My lips, tongue, face, neck, arms, legs, hands, fingers, toes, stomach. I was getting icy chills and my throat started feeling funny. </div><div><br /></div><div>I called the doctor and he recommended that I went to Warren Clinic...but by the time we were almost there I was only able to take short breaths so we decided to go the ER where the doctor said it was an adverse reaction to the medication. </div><div><br /></div><div>Four benadryl, zyrtec and prednazone later....today I am still numb. </div><div><br /></div><div>Except now I have body aches and prickly pin-like feelings. Decided to go to the doctor again (this time my pcp)...and he said that I am most likely allergic to the medication, but that it was the mixture of the med with my current meds that did it. </div><div><br /></div><div>Apparently, my medications are all screwed up and unbalanced in my body (producing the numbness) and it will take up to 6 weeks to feel normal again. </div><div><br /></div><div>I'm just so glad that I only took one pill. And I'm so glad it is just a medication reaction and not something more serious. Thank you Jesus. </div><div><br /></div><div>But, it is simply amazing that one pill can do so much damage. My mom said, sometimes it's not the sickness, but the cure that can kill you. She's right!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>FHL_Alwayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15764679430186265792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2214023601551885871.post-87628594977097848712010-09-03T11:47:00.003-05:002010-09-03T12:49:00.584-05:00Experience can bite you in the BUTTSo, I will chalk this up to lesson learned...despite how much I really want to call and chew someone's ass up one side and down the other. <div><br /></div><div><br /><div>Next time, I will get how much I am to be paid in writing. I'm sure I could prove, even now, that I was stiffed $300 of my $1300 check...but is it really worth it? </div><div><br /></div><div>Especially if I want to use these people as a future reference. And is even that worth it?</div><div><br /></div><div>GRRRRR</div></div>FHL_Alwayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15764679430186265792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2214023601551885871.post-11157262376387852362010-08-28T14:08:00.002-05:002010-08-28T14:25:47.814-05:00I had the weirdest dream of my life last night. I thought I would share, yes, another dream with you all. <div><br /></div><div>Where to begin...This is kind of sci-fi in nature. We were told that the earth was going to be destroyed unless we stepped in and helped. So we all boarded a space ship together and lifted off of the surface. We were gone for what seemed like a year. It was very dark, with red beams for light. </div><div><br /></div><div>While on the ship, some individuals were forced into submission as a sacrifice to save the rest of us. They were taken, transformed into a translucent ghost-like mist and were forced to serve. The place where they served was this old fantastical looking tree, surrounded by more mist. You could hear their voices, but you could not see them. This was also back on earth. </div><div><br /></div><div>So, whenever this creature desired another sacrifice, a group of people stepped up to the plate and from that group about 5 would be chosen by this creature. There was one lady that said that she would go, despite being pregnant, if it meant saving us. </div><div><br /></div><div>In her group were 12 other people that had been chosen. However, they were not transformed. They remained. I asked myself why and wondered if the fact that she was with child would mean that this wouldn't work. In my head, I thought...I should go. I should take her place. </div><div><br /></div><div>Suddenly I was lifted a few inches into the air and carried over by this unseen force into one of the chairs surrounding the other 12. I prayed to God to protect me and to protect my family. To forgive me of my sins and to spare me pain because I had been chosen by this creature. I remember thinking, only God can hear my inner thoughts. Was it God that chose me? The devil can't hear this... (not sure what that means). </div><div><br /></div><div>But, for some reason, we were not transformed. I asked if it was because of the number of people - 13 vs. 5. </div><div><br /></div><div>All of a sudden, we entered earth's atmosphere. We were told that we were to land the ship on earth. I panicked as I thought of what this would mean (for some reason). I asked the captain if we were coming in too fast and if we would create a meteor-like effect on the earth's surface by coming in at such high speeds. </div><div><br /></div><div>Next, I heard the hissing of the gas as it slowly allowed us to descend on to the soil. I looked to my left and saw the tree. I called out to the people there and they responded. Some of them transformed back into human form. I also learned that some of the things in the mist were not human - but mystical animals. One was an over-sized heinous blue bear-like creature. The other a huge 11 foot she-ox with a HUGE head. </div><div><br /></div><div>We left the ship and I immediately went shopping for supplies in this huge warehouse. I was told to be wary of the two animals. I paid 35 cents to cross a bridge that rose up 8 feet, safe from the blue bear. But the she-ox was still able to attack. </div><div><br /></div><div>I managed to sneak up behind the she-ox. I begged for my life as she tried to swing me over the bridge. Suddenly she spoke telling me that she was supposed to kill me, but was going to spare my life. </div><div><br /></div><div>That's about it. Of course, you all can't see the immense minute details in my dream like the color of the blue bear, the face of the she-ox, the metal shield of the space ship, the thousands and thousands of things available in the warehouse, the feeling of the mist...etc. </div><div><br /></div><div>But, hopefully you can see why this was one WEIRD dream!! </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>FHL_Alwayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15764679430186265792noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2214023601551885871.post-48990341439872441922010-07-13T22:30:00.002-05:002010-07-13T22:39:18.028-05:00Summer UpdateI thought it was time for a new post, because I dislike the last one. Leaves a foul taste in my mouth. <div><br /></div><div>So, I'm sick of the rain. This is July...supposed to be swimming weather. </div><div><br /></div><div>Still working on e-mailing all of the professors I'm interested in working with for my PhD. Trying to get enrolled for a class at TU that can be transferred over to the MHR program I'm in now. Trying to study for the GRE and work on my personal statement for the applications I'll be doing soon. And most importantly, trying to do some major research for my master's thesis. And if that's not enough, travelling to Atoka two days a week to see the clients and on Thursdays here in Tulsa. </div><div><br /></div><div>GAH!! What a summer!!! I try not to think about it because it makes my brain hurt lol. (Cog. Neuroscience joke...haha). </div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway, hope you all are having fun and safe summers!</div>FHL_Alwayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15764679430186265792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2214023601551885871.post-6669901632650714562010-06-25T01:54:00.003-05:002010-06-25T02:04:03.214-05:00Loss.So...my friendship with the longest person I've known outside of family has ended. I was really angry at first because I was being blamed for the situation...when I had in fact done nothing wrong. (And when I mean nothing wrong, I'm not lying...I'm 100% serious. Nothing. Wrong.)<div><br /></div><div>I thought it would be fixable...but the wonderful internet gets in the way again. I wish people could read vocal intonation and facial expressions through the written word, but you can't. So, what I said was taken completely the wrong way and without the full context. </div><div><br /></div><div>So, now I'm no longer angry. I'm upset, sad, and grieving a loss of friendship with her for the second time in the 19 year relationship. Only this time it's really over. </div><div><br /></div><div>I realize that it's her problem...if she wants to be angry at me for nothing, then that is her choice and I cannot change her. At least I know that I was very respectful and never did anything ugly or rude or bitchy. I treated her like I would want to be treated, maybe even better. Actually, I treated her much better than I would treat myself....</div><div><br /></div><div>At least I have that to hold on to...and the memories. </div><div><br /></div><div>I wasn't emotional at first. Like I said, there was just anger and hurt. And as I was reading through Facebook comments on a friend's site from when her mother passed away, suddenly I found myself with tears that were flowing freely. </div><div><br /></div><div>I guess I needed something to give me the option to vent and to release. </div><div><br /></div><div>I'm a bottom line type of person...it was instilled in me throughout business school...so, bottom line I have lost a friend. Not the best friend in the world by any means because she has treated me poorly, but a friend that I loved just the same. Some have said I will be better without her, which may be true. Some have said that it's not really a great loss at all. But, for right now, I'm grieving the loss. </div><div><br /></div><div>I hate loss. </div>FHL_Alwayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15764679430186265792noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2214023601551885871.post-49779660066804392742010-06-22T22:27:00.002-05:002010-06-22T22:31:58.500-05:00I found this paragraph that I had written 5 years ago, a junior in high school. Some things have changed, but is it sad that I kinda feel the same way?<br /><br />"Most of my [girl]friends view themselves as worthless without a cute stud right by their side. It's so difficult to be alone with these girls that view men as their new title of "taken". Is a boyfriend just a title to be won, or is he the man that you can lean on, the one that you can't get out of your head, the one that you'd rather be arguing with than to be with anyone else? Isn't true love supposed to be like that...to be worth something? Why why why does everyone make out boyfriends to be their sense of worth? When did becoming lonely and becoming unattractive comingle?"<br /><br />Like I said, some things have changed. I have some single friends now and I have friends who are happily married...but then I still have those girlfriends that are pretty much the same. I look at Haley's friends and hope and pray that they'll never be that way.<br /><br />Yes, sometimes I still feel lonely (as is evidenced by the previous posts). But, then there are times that I know that I do not need a man to make me the woman I am today, to make me happy. I am who I am...and I love myself for it.FHL_Alwayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15764679430186265792noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2214023601551885871.post-79906557812792979962010-06-17T01:02:00.003-05:002010-06-17T03:06:53.048-05:00Friends and ForgivenessI'm not a bible scholar. Never have been. Sure I can memorize verses, who can't? I tried to read the bible all the way through once, got pretty close...still have 6 or so books to go. <div><br /></div><div>I think I had the wrong motivation behind the reading though. I was trying to be the first in my family to read the entire bible. It didn't matter how fast I read or if I understood it. Also, granted I was about 12 years old...so most of what I read didn't have any significance for me anyway. </div><div><br /></div><div>I bet if I picked it up now, it would. Or, I hope it would. It's something that I resolve to do every single January 1st, but it never manifests. </div><div><br /></div><div>I'm meeting with a friend tomorrow, the longest person besides my parents that I have known. We were best friends for most of my life...and then life just happens, you know? People change, people grow, they continue to morph. </div><div><br /></div><div>And, in the last few months we've kind of grown apart. Tomorrow we're meeting for dinner...She's angry with me and I'm angry with her, not going to lie. </div><div><br /></div><div>I know when Peter (it's peter right?) asks Jesus how many times to forgive, he throws out a number, 7? And God says, 70 times 7, right? </div><div><br /></div><div>So, I know I'm supposed to forgive her. I want to. So...I ask myself if I should go into tomorrow's dinner and act like nothing has ever happened (even though definite things did)? Or if I should actually, for once in my life, tell her why I am upset with her? </div><div><br /></div><div>Is it better to keep those things in? I'm not so sure. It hasn't worked well for me in the past...that's usually where the pent up anger begins to fester and ooze and get worse over time until it leads to resentment, a not so good thing. Not so good at all. </div><div><br /></div><div>To tell or not to tell? That is the question...</div>FHL_Alwayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15764679430186265792noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2214023601551885871.post-27687782732776283892010-05-31T23:29:00.002-05:002010-05-31T23:32:49.790-05:00So, after last night's post, I saw a commercial for eharmony.com stating that this weekend was free communication weekend.<div><br /></div><div>I thought, what the hell, and made an account. I also, hehe, went onto match.com and made a profile there also.</div><div><br /></div><div>Well, I've had a good amount of interest from both already so I decided to sign up for three months with match.com and see what happens. I've been winked at, e-mailed and viewed 10 times on match and I've been asked to communicate from three guys on eharmony!</div><div><br /></div><div>Let the games begin! ;)</div>FHL_Alwayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15764679430186265792noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2214023601551885871.post-54475487928609190662010-05-30T20:13:00.002-05:002010-05-30T20:15:11.086-05:00Just finished watching the MADE OF HONOR movie with my family. Honestly, why do I put myself through such torture. Just puts me in a hopelessly romantic mood and leaves me uber depressed.<div><br /></div><div>Will the man of my dreams out there, please come and kiss me? Now. </div>FHL_Alwayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15764679430186265792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2214023601551885871.post-36646759229759139122010-05-18T21:56:00.004-05:002010-05-18T22:18:10.286-05:00Boundaries & SpaceSince I have been treating myself with more respect lately, putting up nice healthy boundaries with people that would normally take advantage...I have a friend or two that have been increasing their distance more and more over time. <div><br />It makes me sad, but I'm not going to change who I am now. I'm comfortable with myself. I know I'm not perfect, even though I strive to be. I know that I treat other people very well. I'm kind, smart, fun, and improving myself everyday. </div><div><br /></div><div>I guess those friends can't deal with the <b>me</b> that was lying underneath the depression and other "blah" all along. It's sad. I'll still see them as "friends" or "acquaintances" ; I wish them no ill will and hope they are happy and blessed. But, let's just say I won't be reaching out and reaching out and reaching out for friendship when they keep retreating. </div><div><br /></div><div>However, I need to improve my friendships with two other special friends. I'm not good with death and people dying. But, not because I fear death. Because I don't know how to comfort someone who is incapable of being comforted. I don't know what to say. I feel like anything I say will only hurt and I <i>can't</i> hurt them anymore. I just can't...so I keep quiet. Too quiet. Plus, one of the antidepressants that I'm on makes me have a really flat affect...so even if I want to cry with someone, I <i>literally </i>can't. Sucks. </div><div><br /></div><div>I haven't meant to be rude. I've been trying to give these friends space, hoping that they will contact me when they need a friend. I let them know that I'm there for them. But, one friend, seems to be ticked off at me. Maybe I gave them too much space? Is this person the type that needs people around 24/7 and I didn't know? How do you weigh the fact that you want to be there for someone who's grieving as much as you can, but then need room for yourself as well? It's tough. BTW Naida, if you're reading, you are <i><b>not</b></i> the ticked off friend lol. </div><div><br /></div><div>So I sincerely and humbly apologize. I'm sorry if I have hurt these two people in any way. I was caught up in life, busyness and other things and I never meant to hurt anyone. If I wasn't there when you needed me most, I'm sorry. </div>FHL_Alwayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15764679430186265792noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2214023601551885871.post-65468297660539561602010-04-29T11:52:00.003-05:002010-04-29T11:55:02.423-05:00My mom got the job!!!!!!!! YES!!! Thank you JESUS she got it!<div><br /></div><div>Tomorrow if she didn't have the job, she would have had to sign away her career at IBM. But, now that is no more!! What are the odds that she is offered the job one day before it would have made a difference??? And the fact that this had to go all the way up through the hierarchy to the person that reports to the president of IBM, this is no small feat! She did it! So Proud!!!!</div><div><br /></div><div>All I can say is God does amazing things. My mom is so happy, I'm so happy! Time to celebrate!! Break out the WINE!!!! Bring on the celebration!!! YES!!!!!</div>FHL_Alwayshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15764679430186265792noreply@blogger.com1