So today at Agora we were talking about the 7 last words of Christ.
Did you know that "My God My God Why have you forsaken me?" was part of psalm in the old testament? I had no idea!
I had been struggling for some time after reading the Shack about what I believed about those last moments that Jesus had on the cross. I remember reading in the Shack where Papa says to Mike that he had never left Jesus, that sometimes you just can't see (me) beyond the pain. (I'll have to find the actual quote once I get the book back later) I think I sobbed for a good, well, a good length of time.
Because the whole time growing up I had been taught that God had turned his back on Jesus because He had taken on our sins, the sins of the world. And I remember thinking up until The Shack and today...How could God do that? What?!? To His ONLY son? How could he even...there's no way. What hope do I ever have then? I'm absolutely doomed? God could stop loving me! There's nothing...no reassurance. Yes he died for me, but...
Then I read The Shack and it says that God loves us WITHOUT expectations. He loves us regardless. Regardless if I sin or not.
I was sitting in Agora about two weeks ago and I was feeling down and what I had read in The Shack hadn't hit me yet...not REALLY. I mean I cried and everything at the time and though O MY GOSH! But it hadn't really, really set in. It was on the back of my mind and I was still chewing on it.
And then all of a sudden in the middle of a verse during the songs, it HIT me. I heard (ok well more like felt...I'm going to try to put this into words), I could never forsake you. I didn't leave my son...how could I ever leave you? What could you possibly do that would make me stop loving you?
O my gosh, total peace. Exuberance. Contentment. Ahhhhhhhhhhh. I knew that what I read had to be true!
So I talked it over with my mom, not telling her what I felt of course, posing it as a sort of question. She disagreed. I felt crushed all over again. We had been taught under Assembly of God philosophy that you could become an un-christian. That once you were saved, you could un-save yourself....yea...not sure I believe that.
BUTTTT then today at Agora, we brought it up all over again. And Jeff pointed out that it comes from Psalms. And a missionary said that it was to fulfill the Jewish traditions of a proper burial because they would sing that at a burial. THANK YOU JESUS! And then, Jeff said that the thought that God would turn away from Jesus, some say is impossible. He can't turn away from himself. The very nature of God and who he is denies that! HALLELUJAH! I wasn't completely wrong! I can still believe that he said it...but what he says now has an AMAZING new meaning for me.
I HAVE HOPE! :)