Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Sweetie

Sweetie is very sick. She was diagnosed with what they think is Feline Infectious Paratinitis -- the worst it could have been .

They originally thought it could be leukemia, AIDS, or FIP. And, apparently FIP spells a fast death sentence.

I absolutely hate suffering. I hate watching people sick and dying. I hate watching an animal who is also going through the same thing. It breaks my heart.

She's more depressed, staying to herself or upstairs all of the time. She has almost stopped eating completely -- which means no passing of the food either. Today she almost bit me when I tried to pick her up, I think it hurts her.

Two nights ago, I was in my room upstairs, trying to go to sleep, and I could hear her sitting just outside my door panting and gasping to breath.

I couldn't stand it, I started crying and had to go downstairs to lay with my mom instead.

The steroids seem to help ease the pain and let her feel a little better...for a few hours.

If she keeps on like this, I think we're going to have to put her down tomorrow. Ah, I'm crying just thinking about it.

What also stinks is that, I wanted her to be euthanized at home where she is most happiest. She absolutely HATES and LOATHES the vet. She becomes this bobcat hissing and spitting. I don't want the last minutes of her life to be spent in anger and fear.

But, I learned that even if the vet came to our house, he'd still have to hold her down to give her a shot and then find a vein. So...she'd still be upset and growling.

She's not going to get to go the way I wanted her to. I wish she could just die in my arms or at home sometimes. Just drift off to sleep.

It's amazing how much you can feel sad when you lose an animal. She was always there, always a part of our family for the past 10.5 years. The house won't be the same without her, because I can't remember a time when she wasn't there.

What really gets me upset is that she still purrs. After everything that she's going through, all the pain and labored breathing -- if you pet her, she still purrs. She still purrs.

I'm going to miss my friend. But, she lived a long happy life -- plenty of food and shelter to keep her warm. No telling where she'd be if we hadn't adopted her.

Goodbye Sweetie.

2 comments:

Kristi said...

When my Sam was dying, I felt like I was dying. It was so sudden, and I wanted to just hold him nonstop. But he would hide from me so he could die alone (an animal instinct). When he died I was at work. I was kind of relieved that his suffering had ended, but was so sad that I wasn't there when he passed. I hated the idea of him dying alone. At least with euthenasia, you get a chance to be with them. He will forever be in my heart. I know how painful it is. You have my prayers and my thoughts.

luke said...

:,(