I don't know why. Maybe it's the snow, or maybe because it's a Thursday and it's my day off...but I am itching to get out of this house and do something. Today, I have watched TV, took an hour long hot bath, read on my nook, wrote in my diary, downloaded songs to my iTunes, ate lunch and dinner, and played around on the computer. I realize that to everyone else, through their eyes this seems like heaven. But, in mine, I need action...I need interaction.

Sitting here watching Stomp the Yard on TBS for the second time today, it just hit me. A jolt of energy. I want to LIVE!!! I want my first kiss -- and NOW thank you very much. I want to feel a man's arms around me, holding me tight even for just one second. I want to look in a man's eyes and see love looking back. I want to make a difference in someone's life including mine. I want good friends and relationships. I want a life outside of this house and outside of school and outside of work. And I want it to start now.

I want to be more like my friend who says what's on her mind, sometimes bluntly, but always honestly. Who has this boundary thing down pat and has this respect about her and self love that just oozes out. She knows who she is, has confidence in herself and respects others as well. That's what I want to emulate. I know that I probably will NEVER be able to say what's on my mind with that amount of confidence. Nor do I really want to do it that bluntly. But, to be able to say what I think, in a reasonable way, would be freeing. So, I've decided and that's what I'm gonna do.