A True Hero: Irena Sendler

Irena Sendler was a true hero. How she lost to Al Gore...well its a travesty.

"Every child saved with my help is the justification of my existence on this Earth, and not a title to glory" Irena Sendler

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OVw1PANUcdg&feature=related (video)

http://www.auschwitz.dk/Sendler.htm

Job 42:7

I had a discussion with a friend earlier tonight about whether or not God causes pain, punishment, and generally bad things to happen or whether or not he lets things happen. It was basically about one of the Christian Science beliefs which states: "No. Christian Science does not involve pleading with God to heal the sick and then accepting His will, good or bad. Nothing in Christian Science theology says it’s God’s will that anyone suffer, be sick, or die. Christian Science shows God to be entirely good, and therefore His will for each individual is only health and life."

This caused me to look back at Job and what my professor had once taught us in my religion class while at TCU. Particularly the verse Job 42:7.

Here's my professors reasoning. During that time, pain and punishment was built on the principle of "retributive theology" that God rewards the righteous and punishes the wicked, period. But Job seems to be the opposite.

First of all, beginning in Job 1:1 God refers to Job as perfect and upright, blameless and righteous. That there is no one like him in all the earth. That he avoids evil and that he has seven sons, three daughters and he is the "greatest of all the men in the east" so he's wealthy.

Then satan enters heaven..."satan's", my professor believes, role is to find the righteous and bring their name to God so that God could test them. Not so sure about this particular reasoning, although it does say in Job 2:1 that the "angels came to present themselves before the LORD and Satan also came with them". So my professor's reasoning is that this is not Lucifer but, an angel that belonged there. That's where my professor was coming from. But, I digress.

So, by this time, Job has already suffered once. And, God says to satan have you considered Job...he tells Satan! Weird...and then God says "And he still maintains his integrity though you incited me against him to ruin him without any reason" 2:3. So why did God, who declared that Job was righteous and upright and blameless, do this? Still something that makes me ponder. Actually, the first time that I questioned the character of God.

Then comes Job's three friends: Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar. All three say things such as repent, face your sins, confess, God is just, you're a sinner, humans are worms and maggots, humans are impure and unrighteous, the innocent never suffer. And Job says that he's blameless, that he's innocent, that he wants God to be his mediator, his vindicator and redeemer for these wrongs. Job then says that God is the hunter and he is the target 10:2-10,16 and that God has a bullseye on Job and uses him for target practice 16:11-13. Pretty harsh statements.

Following me?

Then in the epilogue, God speaks and poses many questions. And then God says to Eliphaz "I am angry with you and your two friends because you have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has" 42:7. Really? So every strong statement that Job used before was correct?? God really was the lion and Job really was his prey? What?

Yet, Job repents and says "Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes". I do find it interesting that the word "repent" here in this verse that means to be sorry, to console, to avenge is only found in the old testament. It changes meaning in the new testament to "repent" meaning to think differently and to turn away.

So, my professor says that God becomes Job's redeemer. He restores everything Job lost, doubles it.

WHAAAAAAT? It's all VERY confusing to me. So, God lets these bad things happen to Job for no reason? And in fact at one point he points Job out to "Satan"? But then avenges Job in the end and says that he is still right and spoke right about God? Is the whole point that retributive theology is not always true? That God is above cause and effect and all reason? Or what is the point?

I read up on some other commentaries just to take a look. Here are the links: http://www.christnotes.org/commentary.php?b=18&c=42&com=mhc and this one I like http://www.blueletterbible.org/commentaries/comm_view.cfm?AuthorID=7&contentID=2360&commInfo=6&topic=Job. In particular, I like that this second author explains why Job repented. That he was correct in his argument against his friends and their false theories, but that he took it to the extreme.

So, all in all I'm confused -- haha, to say the least. And if you read through this mish mash, you're probably confused by what I'm trying to say! Sorry, it's almost 2:30 in the morning and I'm tired.

What are your thoughts? Offer other interpretations that I'm just not seeing?

Spring Break

I graduate in 57 days! Ah!! Less than two months away!

So, for Spring Break my friend Emily and I decided that we are going to go for a two day road trip. We were both bummed because we both had nothing to do for our last spring break. So, we talked about places we could go - Kansas City, Dallas, Colorado (Too far), Austin (Too far), Eureka Springs, and Branson. We finally settled last night on Eureka Springs so that should be fun! I've been there many a time - not recently though - so I know of a lot of things that we can do like Queen Ann Mansion, the train, shopping of course, caves (because my family hates them), the big wild cat reserve just into Missouri, etc. etc.

I think it'll be good just to get away, even if it is only 48 hours! Now, I just need to find a bed & breakfast or a cabin...some form of lodging. Spring break in 30 minutes! YAY!

ABDC

Quest Crew!

Don't they just have the best hair! They're so cute!

Go watch this video - it's the finale of America's Best Dance Crew. http://www.mtv.com/videos/americas-best-dance-crew-season-3-ep-8-the-live-finale/1606430/playlist.jhtml

Or, go watch this because this one is just awesome for Quest : http://www.mtv.com/videos/americas-best-dance-crew-season-3-ep-7-hip-hop-decathlon-challenge/1605303/playlist.jhtml

Tests

So yesterday I made the first "C" on a test since I think the 6th grade. I don't know if it was me - off day, didn't study as hard as I usually do (although I had 191 items on 43 notecards so maybe not as likely), if it was the poorly written test itself, or what. But, anyway, my mom said she thought that it was good for me HAHA. Because, it finally showed me that I will not be able to perform at 125% as I have been for most of my life, that sometimes I'll have to settle for less. She said that's probably why I've been so stressed out lately. Why my hair has been coming out in mini-clumps haha.

I just have to say that I was not the only A student that made a C or lower either. My friend Emily and Lizzie who usually make high A's if not 100s with me, made a 67% and a 71% so was it all of us? Or the test? She had to curve it ten points... Like the "rant" that I almost left on here yesterday, it's time to just say "fuck it" and move on.

Up to this point, it has been an easy 4.0 give or take some classes. Most of the tests I have taken I haven't really felt that I struggled with. Now, all of a sudden the last half of my LAST semester it seems like everything has rocketed up! Now, I'm going to definitely have to earn my 4 point. That's for sure - I've been busy, busy, busy with homework, tests, paper after paper, group assignment after group assignment, club meeting after club meeting, required volunteering after required volunteering. I'm sure it's gonna be this way after college too so I guess I better get used to it! I don't really even have time to watch TV that much anymore even! Sad day :(

I also ordered the dress for my friend's wedding in May! I'm her bridesmaid. Yay! It's going to be pretty! Can't wait until it comes in on April 13th.

I'm still trying to figure out what to do with my life - it's an un-ending and looming question. This may just have to be another "fuck it" moment -- I may just have to choose once and for all and stick to it. I have made at least some progress though in other areas. I called last Friday to set up an appointment, finally after months of getting enough urge, to talk to a psychologist (well actually a master's clinician even though I asked for a psychologist grrr...).

I haven't been really happy for a long time - probably all starting back in the sixth grade about 10 years ago, honestly. I think for some reason the school change did me in. New sucky friends. I had once been confident and had high self-esteem while at the other school. And for some reason when I changed schools (not even outside of the district) it changed. Tenth grade was a bad year and I think that solidified my social isolation from others and I had a bad breakup with a best friend. Started to take all AP classes. Then this past November was also another downer because of the stress of graduation coming up, trying to study for the LSAT and failing and not knowing what I want to do.

Anyway, safe to say that when I look back I see all the negative haha. That's just how I'm hardwired I guess. Sure, yes, I've had plenty of happy moments like my 20th birthday party, travelling to Alaska and England and Vancouver. But most of the time, I'm not. It's just my personality and it's who I've been for a while. Obviously I don't like it -- at all. I want to be happy! So that's why I finally called Laureate :-) Hopefully they'll be able to give me coping tools and maybe in time I'll be more content with myself!

But that's enough Debbie Downer for one day. Time to move on -- and go eat!