My last final is tomorrow afternoon at 1pm. Good thing it's so late because I didn't really start studying until 8pm tonight. I went shopping with my best friend instead and ate dinner and relaxed. I think I look at this last final not only as a hurdle, because I have to make an 87% to keep an A in the course (and it may be on the verge of possible haha), but only one more step closer to graduating in May and starting a real life! YIKES! So, I guess I'm trying to put off the inevitable...isn't really working out haha.
I was looking at facebook earlier this evening, ok about 10 minutes ago. Some of my friends down there just had their formal for HIS (the sorority that I was apart of and initiated into in Texas during my time at TCU). They all look so beautiful. They all look so happy. Why did I ever leave TCU? I've wanted to stay in touch with them - and I know that they're not too busy to use facebook because they've been writing on each other's walls all the time - but I feel like they make no effort to keep in touch with me. And I have made the effort, I've sent messages, wrote on walls, chatted online on facebook chat. But, somehow it always ends up that they respond back once and that's it. Then they're finished with me and can cast me aside because I live in another state. It hurts. These two girls I thought would be my best friends forever. I thought that they would be bridesmaids in a future wedding (in fact we promised each other). I felt more alive and like myself when I was with them. We had things to do, we had places to be, we could talk to each other until late at night, we could bake cookies together, we could go dancing together...you name it. I guess what I really miss is having something to do with people that I love.
It all just makes me want to branch out and away from Tulsa, because maybe if I'm not living at home and being codependent on my mother and Haley while building up anger against my dad, I could finally make new friends and have my own life. At least that's how I felt while I was in Fort Worth...even if it was just a semester.