Sunday, October 19, 2008

Food for Thought

I heard someone today say "quarter-life-crisis". Actually seems about right to me. Now that graduation is looming itself at me in May (!) I'm starting ot think about my direction in life.

And what I'm leaning towards now more than ever is JD/MA in I/O Psych or Clinical Psychology. The only thing is though that I may have to stay an extra semester to fulfill my psych requirements - not really that big. However, if I fulfilled that and graduated in December 09...then what am I supposed to do for a whole semester? Travel? HAH! I don't think that I could really get a good psych internship - maybe a law job of some sort? Who knows. That's farther down the road and I'll worry about that when it gets here.

In other news, I really sometimes don't understand why family members can act so rotten. You've already read my previous post probably by now which outlines the many family troubles that I have witnessed or experienced myself.

Well, now my mom is being dealt it again...this time with my favorite aunt Eloda. Sad :( I don't want to end up hating her like the others. Booh. But, she's not stepping up and performing her job as a co-power of attorney. How hard is it to balance a check book and pay some bills online? Really? The reason my mom doesn't want to do it is because - frankly I think that one more thing added to her life would make her either sick as a dog because of stress (well more sick than she already is now), uuber depressed (more than she is now at least) or she'd really have a nervous break down or panic attacks. I think that my mom gets that to some degree which is why she's asked Eloda to help - but unfortunately Eloda doesn't get it. She keeps asking my mom if she wants it because she says she doesn't feel "smart" enough for the job...just suck it up Eloda. Please for my mom's sake and mine!

So I was asked the question today who are you? Has anyone seen that part of , I think it's Anger Management, when Jack Nicholson asks Adam Sandler to tell the support group who he is. So he starts off with his occuption and Jack stops him he says, "now that's not who you really are, try again". So Adam says what religion he affiliates with or something similar and Jack stops him and tells him to start again. Anyway, this happens like three times before Adam finally gets angry and kinda attacks Jack. It's funny.

But, I've always done the same thing tho - not the getting angry part, but the describing myself by labels part.

I always say I'm a student, twenty years old, musician, straight A student (at least right now), follower of Christ, dreamer, achiever, kind, self-conscious, little insecure, etc. etc. My question to the question is can you really escape all of that? Is it possible to define yourself in any other way???

I really still don't know the answer to the question because I think that I am all of those things. And what scares me even more is - what if I truly do not know who I am. What if I've lived my ENTIRE life living up to the expectations of others so much so that I truly have no idea. I took all the AP classes because my dad said to be smart enough so that the school would pay you to go there and to compete with a friend to be valedictorian. I'm in management because my dream of becoming a hair dresser was not the right expectation from my mother. The list goes on...

Is it possible to have multiple "identities". I mean we all act different in changing circumstances right? Well maybe some don't. I guess it would be better to remain the same in all - at least the former suggests to me that you are not a genuine person if you have multiple identities. That's what I've been taught to think over the years at least - may be wrong.

It's something I guess that I've struggled with for quite some time. Hopefully someday I'll figure it out. Anyway, food for thought. Who are you?

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