Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Boundaries & Space

Since I have been treating myself with more respect lately, putting up nice healthy boundaries with people that would normally take advantage...I have a friend or two that have been increasing their distance more and more over time.

It makes me sad, but I'm not going to change who I am now. I'm comfortable with myself. I know I'm not perfect, even though I strive to be. I know that I treat other people very well. I'm kind, smart, fun, and improving myself everyday.

I guess those friends can't deal with the me that was lying underneath the depression and other "blah" all along. It's sad. I'll still see them as "friends" or "acquaintances" ; I wish them no ill will and hope they are happy and blessed. But, let's just say I won't be reaching out and reaching out and reaching out for friendship when they keep retreating.

However, I need to improve my friendships with two other special friends. I'm not good with death and people dying. But, not because I fear death. Because I don't know how to comfort someone who is incapable of being comforted. I don't know what to say. I feel like anything I say will only hurt and I can't hurt them anymore. I just can't...so I keep quiet. Too quiet. Plus, one of the antidepressants that I'm on makes me have a really flat affect...so even if I want to cry with someone, I literally can't. Sucks.

I haven't meant to be rude. I've been trying to give these friends space, hoping that they will contact me when they need a friend. I let them know that I'm there for them. But, one friend, seems to be ticked off at me. Maybe I gave them too much space? Is this person the type that needs people around 24/7 and I didn't know? How do you weigh the fact that you want to be there for someone who's grieving as much as you can, but then need room for yourself as well? It's tough. BTW Naida, if you're reading, you are not the ticked off friend lol.

So I sincerely and humbly apologize. I'm sorry if I have hurt these two people in any way. I was caught up in life, busyness and other things and I never meant to hurt anyone. If I wasn't there when you needed me most, I'm sorry.

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