And, I'm off. I graduated with my Master in Human Relations last Friday. But, I don't think it has really hit me yet that I have a post-graduate degree. Hell yeah I'm proud of myself!!

Now, it's up to me to figure out what to do next. Whether that's more school or finding a career, it's all good from here.

Random Thoughts

I have discovered through self-reflection that I am very good at writing fact-based and research-based papers. And, I have somewhat lost my ability to write creatively. It's sad...I used to be such a great creative writer.

Sweetie

Sweetie Walton, the calico, would be twelve years old this July. We didn't know her

exact birthday so we said it was with mine on July 20th.

I remember when I first saw Sweetie. "Santa" had dropped her and Shasta off on Christmas Eve with my mom's side of the family all celebrating with Christmas dinner. Haley so was so stinkin' excited. My mom said "Do you hear that? I think that's Santa, let's go look!". So we all ran outside and my aunt brought out the kittens...just eight weeks old at the time.

We had been wanting pets since I was old enough to ask for one. Finally my parents (really my dad) caved in.

Haley named Sweetie and I named Shasta and it stuck. They were so much fun. I remember one day when my mom called me in and both of them had hopped into the nice warm dryer as she was unloading it. Or the time that Shasta was no where to be found, except when I opened up the linen closet to pull out a towel.

After Shasta had knocked Sweetie out of the second story window, we decided to give her to my aunt Eloda. We kept Sweetie. Since we got the cats a year after we moved in, I'm not sure how it's going to feel without her here. Yes, I'll have Buddy. And, yes he won't be as jealous ;-) But, even animals grieve.

I'll miss my friend. You know, I had heard that animals can cry. I had never seen it before. But, she knew there was something up when we kissed her and told her goodbye tonight. She was crying. And it was hard, very hard...But, I know we made the right decision. She's no longer in any pain. She's resting. She was much older than me and wise beyond her years. I hope she felt that she lived a good life.

I just know my grandpa met her in heaven (he loved cats) so she's in good hands...and we'll see her again someday soon. I love you my Sweetie.

I've been sick for the last few days. I've had a low grade fever, throbbing headaches, and horrible back aches. Not sure what it is, but I'd like it to stop.

But, I have gone out anyways. No one else in my family is sick, so I'm guessing it's not contagious. And, I'm not going to let it keep me down. I went out walking with a friend on Saturday, it was so nice outside and the wind kept us cool :) But, other than that I have been laying around, sleeping in, and doing some career searching. Just wanting to see what's out there.

And, I've been dating. Haley almost forced me to put a profile on plentyoffish.com and I finally did. I've gotten a lot of messages from guys! And, I've been out with two. Both seem pretty nice. Still feels weird though because I don't really know them.

One of them, I'll call him Peter, gives me a weird feeling. Not sure what it is, I can't put my finger on it. I have always been really good at reading people and their intentions, way before some of my friends and family. And, there's just something not right. I'm not sure what is normal for texting when you've only been out once, but for my preferences he does it too much -- almost to the point of annoying.

The other, I'll call him Sam...I felt nothing weird whatsoever when we went out Saturday night. It was nice! We went to eat and then went on a drive; I showed him around Tulsa since he's not from here.

I actually left the first date with Peter feeling upset. He had just given me my first kiss, ever. And I was on the verge of crying because I felt like, "if this is what dating is and how it feels then, I don't want to date". But, luckily it felt no where near that with Sam...so I still have hope.

I am finally getting my flirt on too ;) I've never really been great at it, so I can only hope I've gotten better and not worse :) Now, I just need to prove to myself that I can lose some weight. Then, I'll feel even MORE comfortable in my own skin.

Hoping that I start feeling better and that this week is awesome! :D

Romantic Comedies -- why do I put myself through them?

I went and saw Just Go With It with a friend last night. Super cute and hilarious! Definitely a RomCom and I'm going to buy it. But....................movies like that make my heart hurt. Most of the time I can ignore the fact that I am not in a romantic relationship, but then in those moments it all hits me and I feel like cryin or gettin it on ;) or screaming. Pick one.

And, I know movies are not like real life. No one looks that good or says those things. But, still. It leaves me longing for companionship and love so bad that it hurts.

Not sure really why I watch them when I always feel like this after a good ending. Maybe it's my hopeless romantic side flaring up underneath my "everything is fine" exterior. Or maybe it's hope. I choose the latter.

Mmmmm I listening to Nat King Cole on iTunes. His voice to me is like cinnamon, or maple sliding down a tree, or the smell of fresh cut wood. I could listen to his voice forever. I hope that God's voice sounds like a mixture of him and Morgan Freeman :) But...I know it'll be even sweeter.

For some reason my foot hurts today and has for the last two days in the boot!! I think it's because I did a lot of walking at work today :( Stinks. The boot is uncomfortable and I wish I didn't need it. But, it will be off soon! :)

Mmmmm Bing Crosby just came up on my shuffle. Gotta go drift away to his lulling voice. Yumminess.

Existential Moment

Sitting here watching the Bucket List with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson.

Makes me think about my own bucket list...which I have not really made...And the awesome glasses that Jack Nicholson uses to watch T.V. while laying down :)

So, what am I doing? I have a friend who has traveled overseas, graduated from Yale and is now at UC Davis able to visit San Fran whenever she wants. I have another that graduated high school early and went to Spain to study for 6 months and is back in the states engaged to a Spaniard. I have another that interned at Crested Butte (sp?) and now lives in Chicago doing the job of her dreams. I have another who has a G0d given talent for art. Graduated from OU and is now in Ireland in graduate school for art!!! Ireland! And the list goes on and on.

If I really want something, why do I not go for it??? I want to live in San Francisco, D.C., Portland, NYC. I want to travel across Europe, possibly live there. I want to go sailing on the ocean. I want to write my own book of poetry. I want to see 1000 sunrises and sunsets. I want to travel to the intricate non-touristy areas of Mexico. I want to see where the water in South America is half black and half muddy brown. I want to see the lake of fireflies.

So, what is holding me back? Not just about the big things, but even the little things. I want to stretch my wings and really just -- live. God has given me this wonderful life, why do I forsake it and waste it like I do?

No more hiding from myself and others. Like it or not, this is me!!!

my food addiction

I have been on the Atkins Diet a week ago last Monday. So, about a week and a half. It has been HARD.

I now know what it would be like to be addicted to something and have those intense cravings when you are trying to quit because I felt that. Hello, my name is Kelsy and I am addicted to food.

Well first of all you go through the induction flu as your body moves into ketosis (burning fat for energy). And, I certainly did. My legs were cramping. I was so nauseous and dizzy. I was actually running a low grade fever.

And, to top it all off I have not lost as much weight as they say you typically should. Typically you lose up to 14 pounds in the first two weeks. I have only lost 6. SIX!!!

The other thing about this diet is that it is a life style change. You basically have to do this diet for the rest of your life or you will gain back because your body will go out of ketosis.

I don't know if I can do this diet for the rest of my life! So much protein that you can cook in only so many ways. And, I originally did this diet because I love meat and fish and cheese. But, I had no idea that I could get sick of it so quickly.

There is one plus to this diet and that is I am not hungry during the day which is a miracle! I no longer get shaky or sick if I am hungry.

So, I don't know. I thought I needed a diet that felt like a diet because all of the others haven't worked. But, I'm not sure I can do this for that much longer.

But, If I don't what will I do? I'm already thinking about the Best Life diet by Oprah's trainer Bob Greene. He has it in 4 phases that let you take baby steps and built in cheating days.

SOOO, for now I'm frustrated with myself. I can't keep to any diet for very long...just like everything else in my life! No, I'm not becoming depressed again....just forcing myself to analyze myself. Hopefully, I will change for the better.